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Open Poetry #32
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gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

0 posted 2004-06-02 08:50 PM


He is
the eventual loophole
of my every day

a circulatory dance
throughout a circus
of veins

I'm making a fool of myself

a mockery
of every gift in breath
I
heartlessly consume

skipping clueless
inbetween surfaces of black
so pale and visible

never coming to terms
with the undeniable fact
I'm streaking against clouds

and he'll never see me.




© Copyright 2004 gj - All Rights Reserved
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

1 posted 2004-06-02 09:17 PM


"He is
the eventual loophole
of my every day

a circulatory dance
throughout a circus
of veins

I'm making a fool of myself"


Gem, I feel like I'm repeating myself (perhaps because I am...lol) but I'm at a loss what else to say except that your writing amazes me.  I don't think you can write a bad line.  
Wow...'nuff said.  



ctowen
Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT
2 posted 2004-06-03 05:09 AM


A mockery ... no way!
   and that photo ... blew me away!

            Have to admit, the title lured me in ...
         and I wasn't disatisfied!!

                 Ditto to Duncan's awe!  *S

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

3 posted 2004-06-03 07:23 AM


his loss...
you're a beautiful person and your gorgeous.

beautiful writing Gem...

I'm keeping it.

Maree

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
4 posted 2004-06-03 07:28 AM


i know the feeling, yes i do
you write it so well

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
5 posted 2004-06-03 08:31 AM


"a circulatory dance
throughout a circus
of veins"

~ how on Earth do you come up with these innovative and brilliant concepts! I suppose it is due to the fact that you yourself are innovative and brilliant!

Love ya lots!
Lindy

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

6 posted 2004-06-03 08:39 AM


how could he not see that beauty on the inside?  You are a gem, your writing is brilliant, and if he doesn't value the who of you, then he's losing a very unique and special young lady!


Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

7 posted 2004-06-03 12:48 PM


Wow...!!!!!


Eric

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
8 posted 2004-06-03 01:52 PM


Oh yeah!  This is a beauty!

JL

She said: ”You look cute in the dark.”


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2004-06-03 03:15 PM


streaking against clouds is very good

regards
sudhir

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
10 posted 2004-06-03 05:28 PM


Gemma~
Love the write ... love the new photo~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

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