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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #32 » A Muse Left to Daydreaming
Open Poetry #32
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muted
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since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
0 posted 2004-06-01 01:30 PM


Let us lay in cradle of riverbank
to weave the cicada's voice
in harmony with the satapadi
you sing to me as I sleep,
letting shadows gently creep
in dance of wind over our faces
as the sun blushes cheeks
in rise of heat to lips
that meet you in-between
the sigh of swaying grasses.
Let your hair fall over me
to veil our love from jealous gods
leaving me naked beneath
in marriage to your glance,
Deep in the myth of your eyes.
© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178
1 posted 2004-06-01 01:54 PM

Wow...!!!!

Eric
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
2 posted 2004-06-01 01:58 PM

To reiterate what Eric said, WOW -- that's a double WOW, now!  That muse of yours sure is talented and you hear very well, little cuted muted one.
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
3 posted 2004-06-01 03:17 PM

I'll have what she's having, and a side order of fries
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2004-06-01 03:34 PM

YES! *S* Beautiful work!!!
Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
5 posted 2004-06-01 03:36 PM

You have such a delicate elegance to your writing.  Much enjoyed.

Susan

BTW, can I get a chocolate shake as well as fries with that?

The whole of the Universe resides within each individual heart.
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2004-06-01 03:43 PM

OMG!!  This is SO beautiful!!
Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain~

muted
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since 2004-01-15
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
7 posted 2004-06-01 03:51 PM


Robert Frazier
Senior Member
since 2003-02-06
Posts 1014
8 posted 2004-06-01 05:17 PM

you write beautiful, lyrical imagery . . . more, please.

Rf
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
9 posted 2004-06-01 05:53 PM

yup...WOW!

Absolutely beautiful Dawn..and I'm with Raph, I'll have what you're having please.

Maree.

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~
Marshalzu
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since 2001-02-15
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Lurking
10 posted 2004-06-01 05:54 PM

Wonderful writing
Edder
Senior Member
since 2003-04-02
Posts 671
11 posted 2004-06-01 11:22 PM

oh my, you do have a way with words...
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455
12 posted 2004-06-01 11:37 PM

"Let us lay in cradle of riverbank
to weave the cicada's voice"

A unique soundtrack it would be.     Really effective imagery, softens just so...
wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
13 posted 2004-06-01 11:48 PM

"muted" fits this quite nicely. A warm serene feeling permeates this throughout.

Pastoral without being passive...A very good poem!
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554
14 posted 2004-06-02 12:45 PM

whoa...my muse dont daydream like this.
lovely lovely writing here poetess Dawn...
let that muse run barefoot and fancy free...the result is pure poetry

We believe the past could be undone...but time always reveals ...
the lonely light of morning...the wound that would not heal.

Sarah Mc.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
15 posted 2004-06-02 02:05 AM

awesome!
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989
16 posted 2004-06-02 10:35 AM

WOW!  awesome writing...
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296
17 posted 2004-06-02 10:50 AM

absolutely enchanting
choshi
Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
18 posted 2004-06-02 12:04 PM

Your images and emotions evoke so much, yet you leave so much room in my psychic space that I am blushing in deeply in evolving eros .   Now I see that a sign of an amazing poem....
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
19 posted 2004-06-02 01:37 PM


Now what was I telling you
the other day, hmmmm?
MovesInSilence
Member
since 2004-03-21
Posts 111
Perth, Australia
20 posted 2004-06-03 01:54 AM



is this where i start singing ?

I loved this one buddy

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
21 posted 2004-06-03 10:12 AM

Such a sultry experience has graced your write...and it exudes excellence.
TD
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
22 posted 2004-06-03 10:22 AM

oh wow!
I'm not really sure what else to say with this.
It packed a beautiful punch and left me stunned....
Keep it up!

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
                  Joyce kilmer
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