»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #32
»
Sorry, I need to purge here...
| Open Poetry #32 |
|
Sorry, I need to purge here... |
|
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought 
|
Hey mom, I couldn’t walk last week, and couldn’t really see. I was scared, and wanted you to be there. I ate saltines, last week, but spit them up with blood. And I wish that you had held my hand. I sobbed into the toilet bowl and couldn’t find the strength to pull myself back up again. Just wondered where you could have been... PS. You gave me your weight and stubby fingers. But you never really gave me you, And I guess that’s all I wanted. Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. Joyce kilmer |
||
| © Copyright 2004 GG - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
That's so so sad, Alyssa. Very sad and very well expressed.  I hope all will be well for you. |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
GG A little tweek of meeks oblique. LOL Love your picture and the write.  |
||
|
Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Alyssa, This aches...I wish I could be there for you! I would consider myself lucky to have a daughter like you. The first time I read your writing, I felt a connection. It hasn't changed. My thoughts and prayers will be with you Sweet One. Cathy |
||
|
Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
Excellent expression, this piece aches. My heart is saddened. Sending an emotional hug your way - Susan The whole of the Universe resides within each individual heart. |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
sometimes it's better that someone isn't there, because we are happier without them I wish I could be there with you Alyssa...I feel helpless |
||
|
gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
Alyssa, you made me want to sob. Moving stuff, hope youre ok babe. x  |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Denise, Yeah, things will be well, it's just one of those times in life where I wish things were different, we all have things like that. thanks so much for your reply.Sey, lol, yep. Thank you much, sir... Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Cathy, What you say is just too kind, not that I have a problem with it! My mother just doesn't really know me, so she wouldn't know if I'm worth being proud of or not. It's okay that, I got through the week! thank you so much for your prayers, they mean the world to me.Susan, a hug right back to you, too. Don't frown too long, it's alright... thank you for your kind words. Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. Joyce kilmer |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Dix, You're right, and thanks for reminding me, too. I needed that. Things were better when she left. It's just hard not having a mom around you know? well, yeah. You do know... Thank you so much.gem, no sobbing on behalf of me! I'm alright now, it was just a bad week. It's SO nice to be able to walk again. Thank ya  Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
||
|
iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Alyssa, you have no idea how sad this is for me. We experienced going through bulemia with someone we loved more than words can say and it has taken years to deal with. This is what your poem reminded me of and if this is the case, you have my support. More awareness needs to be made about this and your poem would certainly be a poster one -- if that is not what your poem is about, and you are purging bad memories, then you have my support, too. You're a beautiful soul! .....jo |
||
MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
this made me cry,my mom abandand me when i was young, after i had a child she came back into my life, as soon as another man came out she went, well years went by, my son all grown, i gave her another chance, i was told "I dont give a damn how you feel about anything" after i opened my heart to let her know how i felt, "then she left,called stepdad #5 told him to tell me to get the hell out" so sometimes it is better if no one is there. because they can be, and still their not i enjoyed this, even though it brought up something i placed way down deep. but i feel better now, so thank you. |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
jo, I've watched someone go through bulemia, too. It's horribly painful to see, and to be so helpless in the situation. I didn't realise how much this actually appeared as if I had bulemia. I don't, but I do love seeing the translations of this. What actually happened was that last week I had a particularly bad migraine. Essentially what it did was completely paralyze my left side. For the most part I couldn't see. And I couldn't keep any food down (they give horrible nausia). My father works 12 hour shifts and the rest of the time leaves the house or sleeps, so I was home alone the whole time. I pulled a rug up in the bathroom and dangled my head over the toilet... I think I have an ulcer or something, so I was vomiting blood and stomach acid, and whatever crackers I forced myself to eat. Because of the paralysis I couldn't get back up too well... So, this write is just about how I wished my mom would have been there. Or more then that, that she would have given me her time, ever. Wow, that was a longer explanation than I intended... Thank you so much for your support. I'm just trying to get rid of these memories before new ones pop up! you're a beautiful soul, too.Thank you... Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
MGROVES, I'm so so sorry to hear about how you were treated by your mom. There isn't anything in the world that can justify what she put you through. I'm sorry that this poem brought out those memories... but then again, I'm glad that you feel a little better now. Maybe you can work on purging them from yourself, too. It's a hard journey, but I can see that you know all about hard journeys by now. Thank you so much for your reply... it really means alot. I hope things go well for you. Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
||
|
iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
GG -- thanks for the feedback. I hope the migraines disappear. You take care, sweet pea, ......luv ya, jo |
||
|
HopeS Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596Perth Western Australia |
Hey I never felt truly loved by my mum , I emigrated to the other side of the world when I married and only saw her 4 times after that and she's dead now , so she will never know I felt like this Hope |
||
|
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Alyssa, I fought migraines for two years. It was a long time ago. I gave them up. Literally. But still about once a year I get the bright lights and I can't read or drive. If I don't take four aspirin within 20 minutes I'm toast for a migraine. The mom thing...ouch! I've learned we all have expectations of our parents. And many of us aren't realistic or we behave one sided. I've done tons of child protective service work and have seen that bad side. I'm not sure where you fit in. But I have grown to understand that regardless of where you fit in, when our parents don't meet our needs it hurts all the same. I do wish you peace and relief from migraines. Because both situations can be pain beyond belief. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
jo, of course love ya, too...Hope, that must be so hard. The love of our parents is something each of us always desperately seeks... to not have it will always bring pain. I hope that things are okay for you. Thanks for your reply. Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Larry, I remember reading some about the migraines you had. I'm so glad they're mostly gone now for you. I have them alot, every week actually, so far extremely few meds can scare it off though. As for the mom thing, I agree. Most of us have unrealistic expectations, and I can admit where mine are unrealistic. I want her to be able to make up for what she's done, to be able to prove herself worthy of my trust again, but then I'll admit that there isn't anything she can do that would provide as good enough proof. But I do think some of my expectations were realistic enough... she left when I was six, which took a lot of fear out of my life. Even then I was one to work hard with whatever and save money, she'd ask to 'borrow' it, and would never care to pay me back. Eventually she took hundreds of dollars from me. And she lied to and hurt my sister and me enough that I can know it was plainly wrong... Now I see her every few months (more often then before), I'm working on forgiving her and trying to consider whatever trials she's been through in her life, too... Anyway, thank you for taking the time to reply so kindly. God bless you.Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. Joyce kilmer |
||
|
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Alyssa, thank you. Forgiving doesn't relieve a person of the consequences of their behavior. You still have the right to be cautios. I think you handle things with maturity. So I'll trust your judgement. Peace dear girl. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Larry, that means a lot to me... Thank you Peace to you, too.. Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
||
|
Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
GG, I just slipped in to read your response and let you know I was thinking about you. HOpe the migranes have passed! Take care, Sadie |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Cathy, you're such a sweety Thank you so much! You take care, too... Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. Joyce kilmer |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
