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Passions in Poetry

Things untold

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misao
Member
since 11-08-2003
Posts 50


0 posted 05-22-2004 12:25 AM       View Profile for misao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for misao

A drop of sweat rolls down my cheek
with every trial of breath
a gentle tear can be seen faraway
with every weap of sorrow

A gale of singing wind passes by my ear
a dream clouds my mind as if asleep
a silent whisper--audible--soft as though unheard
a sweet sensation so close to the heart

Life is described with unspoken words
as the days go by--hearts change
every drop of blood caressing my hand in a circular motion
falls upon the ground like a raindrop in a puddle

Gentle twilight calms me
like crimson roses and flowing water
gales of wind blow through my hair and sing to me
traveling--on the run like a stay cat through the valley of darkness

© Copyright 2004 Ms Kitsune - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


1 posted 05-22-2004 12:57 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Things now told...James
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 05-22-2004 02:32 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Hello my lovely...

you knew I'd be here.

I love this poem from you gentleheart, but as you know, I don't care for the red type--and yes, it's fun to experiment, but let your words vivify the red.

and now, for critique.

I loved the soft intro, with the gentle lead in to this verse--third stanza:

"Life is described with unspoken words
as the days go by--hearts change
every drop of blood caressing my hand in a circular motion
falls upon the ground like a raindrop in a puddle"

smiling proud mom here.

And this fourth stanza, which you sneaked on me, totally delighted me with your unabashed aplomb:

"Gentle twilight calms me
like crimson roses and flowing water
gales of wind blow through my hair and sing to me
traveling--on the run like a stay cat through the valley of darkness"

traveling--on the run like a stay cat

Excellent images to depict the loneliness of determination to be true to self.

My lovely lovely girl, I'm so proud of you.

This is my favorite from you.



You are a poet.
iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


3 posted 05-23-2004 01:54 AM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

That last stanza, I really liked!  You are not alone here.
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


4 posted 12-01-2005 11:09 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Well this apple sure as heck doesn't fall far from the tree.  Loved the cat line myself   Beautiful imagery Misao.
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 09-16-2007
Posts 8075
Realm of Supernatural


5 posted 10-29-2007 02:22 PM       View Profile for Artic Wind   Email Artic Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Artic Wind

enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND
 
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