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Open Poetry #32
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misao
Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 50


0 posted 2004-05-22 12:25 PM


A drop of sweat rolls down my cheek
with every trial of breath
a gentle tear can be seen faraway
with every weap of sorrow

A gale of singing wind passes by my ear
a dream clouds my mind as if asleep
a silent whisper--audible--soft as though unheard
a sweet sensation so close to the heart

Life is described with unspoken words
as the days go by--hearts change
every drop of blood caressing my hand in a circular motion
falls upon the ground like a raindrop in a puddle

Gentle twilight calms me
like crimson roses and flowing water
gales of wind blow through my hair and sing to me
traveling--on the run like a stay cat through the valley of darkness


© Copyright 2004 Ms Kitsune - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
1 posted 2004-05-22 12:57 PM


Things now told...James
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2004-05-22 02:32 AM


Hello my lovely...

you knew I'd be here.

I love this poem from you gentleheart, but as you know, I don't care for the red type--and yes, it's fun to experiment, but let your words vivify the red.

and now, for critique.

I loved the soft intro, with the gentle lead in to this verse--third stanza:

"Life is described with unspoken words
as the days go by--hearts change
every drop of blood caressing my hand in a circular motion
falls upon the ground like a raindrop in a puddle"

smiling proud mom here.

And this fourth stanza, which you sneaked on me, totally delighted me with your unabashed aplomb:

"Gentle twilight calms me
like crimson roses and flowing water
gales of wind blow through my hair and sing to me
traveling--on the run like a stay cat through the valley of darkness"

traveling--on the run like a stay cat

Excellent images to depict the loneliness of determination to be true to self.

My lovely lovely girl, I'm so proud of you.

This is my favorite from you.



You are a poet.

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
3 posted 2004-05-23 01:54 AM


That last stanza, I really liked!  You are not alone here.
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
4 posted 2005-12-01 11:09 PM


Well this apple sure as heck doesn't fall far from the tree.  Loved the cat line myself   Beautiful imagery Misao.
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
5 posted 2007-10-29 02:22 PM


enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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