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Open Poetry #32
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MERCURY
Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 190
Ireland

0 posted 2004-05-19 08:29 AM


ITS A RAINY SOAKED NECK AFTERNOON

A QUICK SQUINTED GLANCE SIDEWAYS TO ANOTHER OF LIFES DROWNED

A BRIEF CALMING DRAG IN A MOMENT OF SHELTER

LIFE AS ALWAYS MANAGES STILL TO ASTOUND



AN OCCASSIONAL GRASP OF PANICKED AIR

ECHOING A PNEUMATIC SOUND OF SILENCE

AN AEROPLANE JETS BY VIA THE HEAVENS

I GUESS MAN HAS PASSED THAT LICENCE



MY HEARTS YEARNS FOR CALM

LIKE A ZEBRA FELLED AND CAUGHT

BY AN ALWAYS OVERPOWERING RELENTLESS TIGER

WE JUST KNOW WE WILL BE OUTFOUGHT



BUT FORTUNE FAVOURS THE BRAVE

AND ITS PATHETIC TO GIVE UP

TO THOSE OF US WHO ARE STILL TRUE TO LIFES CAUSE

CONQUER WITHIN AND SHAPEUP



FOR FEELINGS HAVE A HABIT OF CHANGING

UNPREDICTABLE KNOWS NO END

LIKE A SNOW COVERED MOUNTAIN CAUGHT IN A WHISPER

TO THINK OF IT , LIFE IS A GODSEND



FOR OUR MENTAL STATE IS FLUCTIONAL

SOMETIMES EVEN OFF THE CHART

FREQUENTLY MAKING A HELL OUT OF HEAVEN

BUT LOVE IS ALL AROUND SO KEEP IT CLOSE TO YOUR HEART.



© Copyright 2004 MERCURY - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2004-05-19 12:57 PM


good message, but feels like you are screaming, when it's not needed. Lose the caps.

I hear you just fine

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

2 posted 2004-06-02 10:18 PM


loved the write, but I do agree with passing shadows on the caps thing...so I took the liberty of converting my favorite part of your poem to a friendlier format


"for feelings have a habit of changing

unpredictable knows no end

like a snow covered mountain caught in a whisper

to think of it , life is a godsend"

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
3 posted 2004-06-02 11:36 PM


Very much enjoyed the message of this, MERCURY.  
MGROVES
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802
california
4 posted 2004-06-03 11:36 PM


this was good


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