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Open Poetry #32
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2004-05-14 09:58 AM




The Mother and the Babe


She had quite a lovely body
she stood a stance and line,
she lovingly carried her babe,
almost a full month nine.

But one early cool morning,
a bit before the time,
the babe it did come about
before the full month nine.

The mother was in deep distress,
her babe it did not move;
Melancholy it did sit in,
as if death it did behoove.

The mother stayed there by its side
she would not give up hope.
The father came and lingered there,
as if to help her cope.

Now if I were you,
I would shed a tear,
for the next part
of this story here.

The mother, a Hereford, did give birth,
the babe, disfigured, fell to earth;
the mother, she licked, and was quite forlorn,
she struggled over her dead babe born.

The father, black Angus, came around,
saw the babe upon the ground;
and in the way of bull and cow,
licked the mother’s sorrowed brow.

I know that life here on this earth,
ends with death, begins with birth;
and feelings live in animals, do so believe,
and do not think just humans grieve.



Repost
©KRJ
Karilea Rilling Jungel
10 February, 2000



© Copyright 2004 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

1 posted 2004-05-14 10:15 AM


knowing reality and dealing with it is sometimes so difficult...but here you have painted for us a beginning, to rejoice and be aware of.  Thank you for sharing this loving reminder.  

kowing they will both enjoy

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

2 posted 2004-05-14 11:17 AM


Sunshine,
   You're a sweetheart, but a mean one!  Do you know how hard it was not to cry when I read this?  We had herefords when I was a child and a black angus named George.  Now we have Charlettes.  They're so maternal, but dangerous when pinned.  (I remember going to work with two black eyes, unknowingly, after trying to load a small 600-700 pound bull on the trailer in the early morning.  Believe me, I had some interesting comments that day!)  
   Your poem was excellent and very touching.  We can learn a lot from animals. Thank you for this heartfelt poem.  It is wonderful gift and will treasured in my library.
         Sadie    

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
3 posted 2004-05-14 11:29 AM


This is truly and compassionately penned.

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2004-05-14 11:49 AM


Well done Karilea..animals do think and feel.
Should have had a kleenex alert with this one.
I am sure Titia, and Sadie will love this as much as I did.
Hugs

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain~

forne_marin
Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina
5 posted 2004-05-14 11:53 AM


I don't reply to many poems on here. I feel like there's too much lovey-dovey and not enough real substance. I don't like commenting unless I have something to say.

This was a good piece. This I thoroughly enjoyed. It has a great voice, a great rhyme scheme, and a very powerful emotional punch.

My only critique is that you need to work on your last stanza, specificially line 3. Right now you have:

I know / that life  / here on / this earth,
ends
/ with death, / be gins  / with birth;
and feel / ings live / in a / ni mals, / do so / be lieve,
and do / not think / just hum / ans grieve.

It's all fine and good until you get to that third line, and it just kills you.

Why don't you just simplify it? Something like:
But all / life feels, / do so / be lieve

However, aside from that one line, the piece is really really great. I enjoyed it emmensely.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
6 posted 2004-05-14 11:57 AM


this is touching...very touching...

I have kittens now and I can't bear to take them from their mother to give them away, just because I know she would miss them and be in pain...so I guess I have five to feed now

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
7 posted 2004-05-14 06:35 PM


Goosebumps up my arms and spine -- I have seen this very scene, Karilea.  Oh, my soul crys to remember.  Beautiful truth penned.  
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2004-05-14 09:12 PM


Karilea

I love animals and know the feelings within them...such a wonderful write that I wish I had written, but so glad that you did!  

pictureme
Member
since 2003-11-28
Posts 248
Ohio, USA
9 posted 2004-05-14 10:51 PM


painting in tears! A bitter sweet read!
Sometimes I wonder when reading about unfit
mothers and think to myself even animals take care of their own. Sometimes I think
animals own more compassion than humans.
I confess a few tears!
Thanks for sharing,
pictureme :-)

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