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Open Poetry #32
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Your Face [Waka]
| Open Poetry #32 |
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Your Face [Waka] |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Your face before me, |
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| © Copyright 2004 Paul C. Cooper - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Paul, you paint a magical moment between sleep and wake, when visions are hauntingly clear. Very beautiful! Love, Margherita  |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Oh, well done. I like this! INclan |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I have been told that my face is many things, but never have I been told it is a Waka! lol To be perfectly honest, I have never heard of this poetic form. Thank you for the delightful introduction!   EA |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Thank you Margharita for your kindness and warmth..... ~P |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Thank you INclan, I am glad you like.... ~P |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Thank you EA.....You have heard of Tanka, yes? Waka was the same way back when. In modern times, they are somewhat different in subjectivity, tone and content.... ~P |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Choshi~ Lovely thoughts ...~ I was a little thrown by the syllable count in the fourth line (6)... though many affirm that the style does not have to conform exactly to the syllabic count to be effective. Is my understanding correct, that WAKA was one of the earliest forms of Japanese poetry that eventually evolved into the Tanka? Such a rich study in the word-history of these fascinating forms~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
"Your face before me, is this real or just a dream? Fever tormented- moonlight through lace curtains casts shadows on my pillow." sooooo nice to have you back here again, i know you have been busy, but still...always a pleasure to see your boots at the welcome mat and this is a little different for you..and i like it very much. i feel longing in this, i can see the shadows of lace on the pillow case...is nice to imagine what you may have been picturing in your mind please, can we have more? |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
I was a little thrown by the syllable count in the fourth line (6)... though many affirm that the style does not have to conform exactly to the syllabic count to be effective. Ithought of saying "soft moonlight" or "moonlight shines" But felt the former a bit much as "softness" is implied in lace and the latter a bit redundant as we know that the moonlight shines... Is my understanding correct, that WAKA was one of the earliest forms of Japanese poetry that eventually evolved into the Tanka? There were earlier longer forms, but yes, Tanka and Waka were the early formalized forms of COurt Poetry [500 -1500]Marge Waka and Tanka were originally synonomous w/ the exception that traditional Tanka were written in Chinese and Waka were written in Japanese. Waka means "own language poetry" Contemporary Waka and Tanka stand apart in many ways so I prefer to use the term Waka.... Such a rich study in the word-history of these fascinating forms~ Marge, Dear.....Thank you for your close and sensitive reading and for your kind comments. |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
sooooo nice to have you back here again, i know you have been busy, but still...always a pleasure to see your boots at the welcome mat Awww, Dawn, such a warm and sweet welcome....You are so kind.... and this is a little different for you..and i like it very much. i feel longing in this, i can see the shadows of lace on the pillow case...is nice to imagine what you may have been picturing in your mind please, can we have more? Yes, yo udo feel the longing very clearly.....Yes, I did want to leave it up to the imagination of the reader, but you definitely got the picture...when something ripens into awareness, of course you can have more.... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
awesome...so short but so beautiful |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
i had to come back again and again...so drawn to this..i want to put it in my library |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
awesome...so short but so beautiful Thank you Dixie.....I do love the potential for brevity in poetry......~P |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
i had to come back again and again.... Dawn, you know I always love to see you....You are so kind.... ~P |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Wonderful, Paul. You said so well in this Waka what I tried to verbalize back in a poem in archives called "Was It My Imagination." Really well done! ....jo |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Wonderful, Paul. You said so well in this Waka what I tried to verbalize back in a poem in archives called "Was It My Imagination." Really well done! ....joThank you Jo.....I really appreciate your poetic sensibility. I am looking forward to digging back and finding your poem. If its not too much trouble, please send me the link.... Back to you ~P |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
choshi Such a soft ethereal feel, sad and tender. Well done! |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Such a soft ethereal feel, sad and tender. Well done! Thank you Martie,,, ~P |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
Your face before me, is this real or just a dream? Fever tormented- moonlight through lace curtains casts shadows on my pillow. longing and agonizing over shadows of the nightword can we ever feel satisfied without such torment? |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Came back to read this one more time -- so enjoyed! (The link is /pip/Forum83/HTML/001538.html ) |
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akforty7 Junior Member
since 2004-01-10
Posts 18 |
hmmm.... that's an interesting form of poetry. great write! |
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Destinys_Fallen_Angel Member
since 2004-05-06
Posts 75Boise Idaho |
very intersting and unique way to write a poem...i see you got alot of feedback thats great Yahoo messenger: destinys_Falen_Angel |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Your face before me, is this real or just a dream? Fever tormented- moonlight through lace curtains casts shadows on my pillow. longing and agonizing over shadows of the nightword can we ever feel satisfied without such torment? Shadows rise and fall as do phases of the moon this passing night- the pillow remains empty, orchid petals drop away. |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Came back to read this one more time -- so enjoyed! (The link is /pip/Forum83/HTML/001538.html ) Thank you ~Jo, for sharing the link this one is a poigmamt beauty....~P |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Thank you Destiny, Actually, not so very unique....~P |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
hmmm.... that's an interesting form of poetry Thank you AK....~P |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
The way you expanded the poem was exquisite, Paul.  |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Thank you ~Jo, I deeply appreciate your close and careful reading and your comments, especially about expansion... And, again, thanks for the link to your intensely powerful and heartfelt poem: "Was it My Imagination". ~P |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
NIce writiing...James |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
wonderful tanka - bravo! |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Thank you James....~P |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Hey, Beki, Good to see you, what a delightful surprise.....and thank you ~P |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
im bumping this because i like it so much, shows a romantic side to you  |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
im bumping this because i like it so much, shows a romantic side to you Dawn, Awww, you are sweet....There is more where that came from......coming soon Back ~Pps...I actually did have a fever when I wrote it.... |
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