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time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

0 posted 2004-05-10 03:17 PM

Here I sit watching the edge of darkness unfold,
On the crest of the world atop a tower of silence
Where the carrion birds strip flesh from bodies cold.

Shadow figures lurk within the advancing threshold
Of the night, and the carrion eaters appear to tense,
As I sit watching the edge of darkness unfold.

These are the shadow guides of life I behold.
In life and death one sees and knows their presence
Where the carrion birds strip flesh from bodies cold

To this place I have come to farewell a friend - very old.
Here there is peace, time to contemplate life's transience
As I sit watching the edge of darkness unfold.

Soon the body breakers will attend as he foretold,
Their bone crushing hammers ringing in cadence
Whilst carrion birds strip flesh from other bodies cold.

So little time to talk so many things left untold.
Within the life I have left, I shall miss his guidance,
And I sit watching the edge of darkness unfold
Whilst carrion birds strip flesh from the body cold.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

1 posted 2004-05-10 09:41 PM

Time Prophet -- this was very good writing!

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

2 posted 2004-05-10 10:17 PM

iliana, your comments are appreciated, its a place I shall visit again one day.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2004-05-10 10:56 PM

Here I sit watching the edge of darkness unfold,
On the crest of the world atop a tower of silence

love those first two lines...even though it isn't the same place..I often feel lately, that I am there..

nicely written

*s
M

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-05-11 03:10 AM

good write...enjoyed the read

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

5 posted 2004-05-11 05:28 AM

a dark villanelle..very much enjoyed..this form is so much fun to write, hope to see more

TerryW
Senior Member

since 2000-03-23

Posts 779
Louisville, Mississippi, USA

6 posted 2004-05-11 05:43 AM

"So little time to talk so many things left untold.
Within the life I have left, I shall miss his guidance,
And I sit watching the edge of darkness unfold
Whilst carrion birds strip flesh from the body cold."

Reminds us that we should take every opportunity to say what we can, doesn't it?
Beautiful Verse. Can't wait to see more!

~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

7 posted 2004-05-11 05:50 AM

time prophet

I feel an alignment (considering the title) with Tolkiens Dark Tower of
Barad-dur, the Tower in Mordor where the Dark Lord Sauron dwells..
That Lord being a parallel of your "carrion birds...A good write in a fun but sometimes frustrating form...
enjoyed
----------ice
><>

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

8 posted 2004-05-11 05:32 PM

nakdthoughts, it is a peaceful place, albeit it sounds dark.

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

9 posted 2004-05-11 05:34 PM

passing shadows, glad you enjoyed.

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

10 posted 2004-05-11 05:35 PM

muted, not as dark as it sounds, and yes a fun form to work with, thank you for your comments.

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

11 posted 2004-05-11 05:37 PM

TerryW, quite so, we need to say more before we are no longer able to.

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

12 posted 2004-05-11 05:38 PM

ice, in fact the location is Tibet, but that is an interesting connection you make, thank you for reading.

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

13 posted 2004-05-11 07:55 PM

Enjoyed the journey through the story. Very nicely written.
JL

She said: ”You look cute in the dark.”

Kristabell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 678
Portland, OR

14 posted 2004-05-12 01:37 AM

wow, powerful, meaningful, wonderful. Great write.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

15 posted 2004-05-12 04:02 AM

Love Villanelles and I love yours too

The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colours, but the sea, does not change.
~Stevie Nicks~

Destinys_Fallen_Angel
Member

since 2004-05-06

Posts 75
Boise Idaho

16 posted 2004-05-12 04:10 AM

great poem i really enjoyed it

Yahoo messenger: destinys_Falen_Angel
MSN Messenger: Destinys_Fallen_Angel
AOL/AIM: Eternityshyann

time prophet
Member

since 2003-07-30

Posts 371
In New Zealand Amongst the Ancient Trees

17 posted 2004-05-13 12:17 PM

JL, thanks for checking it out. Glad you enjoyed.

Kristabell, thank you for the comments.

Dark Angel, I find them a little difficult but enjoy the form.

Destinys_Fallen _Angel, pleased you enjoyed, thank you.

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