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Open Poetry #32
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My Life...
| Open Poetry #32 |
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My Life... |
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Destinys_Fallen_Angel Member
since 2004-05-06
Posts 75Boise Idaho 
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I’ve thought a lot about you and me And I realize you no longer love me I cant tell you how many nights I’ve cried You don’t even notice anymore You don’t hug me like you used to You don’t kiss me like you used to You don’t touch me like you used to The way you once held me The way you once kissed me The way you onced loved me Why do I feel so lost Why do I feel so scared Why do I feel so small My life is empty My life is lonely My life is hollow This world is tearing me apart This world is driving me insane This world is torturing my soul I’m hurting, and I’m scared Its all because of how you used to love me Its all because of how you used to hold me Its all because of how you used to care for me Yahoo messenger: destinys_Falen_Angel |
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| © Copyright 2004 Destiny Calhort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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EvocativeVerse2 Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279 |
Hey DFA...sorry about the shortened nick...but it takes me forever to type. (One finger typist!) LOL! Your poem has true merit. You have expressed the hurt hurt well. Relationships always seem to bring out the writer in us. I like this. It really was a pleasure to read it. Thanks for allowing me a peek through the looking glass. Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history! |
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GlisteningRain Member
since 2004-05-06
Posts 103The clouds |
You aren't bad at writing. I liked the way you expressed everything you felt, It just seemed repetitive. The way...the way...the way. the world...the world...the world. I'm not trying to attack you at all. Try to link your feelings by similie. So other people will have a better image of the extremity of your emotion. use like or as. The way you used to hold me was "like" an angel's hand comforting my soul. not necesarily like that, but along those lines. or you can use metaphor and just say it is instead of like..."Your love is an angel's hand that comforts me." *shrugs* you get the picture. I enjoyed your emotion anyway though. It reminds me of how I sometimes feel even now. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I know this pain |
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