A Place Called Charm City - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2004-05-05 10:11 AM

They were ugly men with vicious names
With clubs and knives, whips and chains
Bulging muscles but short on brains
A bunch of thugs on drugs.

She wallowed in the life once chose
Sleazy woman in outrageous clothes
From the trash and gutters she rose
Just a prostitute and not cute.

Just a worthless penniless family
Slapped around by a poor reality
Squatting on the street or in an alley
The forgotten poor nothing more.

He was a drunken sailor from a ship
That into a forbidden barroom did slip
Now with cracked head and broken lip
In a warm pool of red left for dead

Gloom

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

1 posted 2004-05-05 10:42 AM

Had to be a sailor huh?

"Slapped around by a poor reality"

loved that line!!

Morning!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

2 posted 2004-05-05 12:15 PM

I too found that line very good...
slapped around by a poor reality

You sure do come up with some corkers!
(that's a good thing).
TD

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2004-05-05 12:38 PM

Professor,
Did your have to be so relistic? LOL

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

4 posted 2004-05-08 02:37 PM

Harsh reality....you were in a gloomy way the day you wrote this one. However, it is very well written. And now I have "What do you do with a drunken sailor" tune floating around in my head. Oh, well, sorry about the sick humor.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2004-05-08 02:47 PM

ouch

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2004-05-08 04:30 PM

The use of "neat" rhyme packages the seriousness of the subject matter in such a way as to provoke the mind to almost a sense of parody on current hip hop trend which (I believe) glamourizes violence and consequently promotes the same.

Not sure if that was what you intended, but it's what I took from your fine offering, Prof.

Enjoyed this much.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2004-05-10 02:34 AM

Nice writing...James

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.