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| Open Poetry #32 |
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departure |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land 
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It rolls out deep blue sky blue sea blue the line has disappeared, remains the white mane's trail snailing and twisting I see myself drowning. Only two colours, and above a disc of white light housing me not finding me I sink in despair. Rolled around me, a close fitting dress sensually whispering with the sea's own flesh, a "tighter...tighter..." The worrying thoughts have left. Only behind, a bitter peace... I grasp the crispy sand's shape and wait, till I find rest. ---- this is a re-post of one of my first poems, its very immature, but there are some aspects of it i quite like...what do you think? |
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| © Copyright 2004 Claire Lucille - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a bitter peace...you describe it well |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I don't know where the immaturity is. This is very well done. I could feel it. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Claire~ I like it too !!! I see depth ... not immaturity in this~ *Huglets*  It is really good to see you writing again, gal~  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
so much enjoyed this  |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
thanks all of you! i forgot to tick "e-mail notification" and thought it was ignored  so thanks for brightening my day  "more than yesterday, less than tomorrow, i love you" |
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