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Open Poetry #32
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2004-05-04 07:14 AM


Of Today

Today I live upon the edge
The narrow of a crumbling wedge
An aging soil, an aging foil
That’s squeezed of all its oil and toil.

It kneels to serendipity
To wit and reciprocity
And when it rests it quests in seems
Charging windmills in its dreams

Dimmer is the sky above
Mistier the seem of love
Duller is the sound of beat
Sallow is the sweet of treat

I see the white whale in the mist
It is the right whale of insist
Slashing sickles tail on high
It cuts a gray into the sky

It is the Argonaut in sail
It is the port of last avail

[This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (05-04-2004 07:46 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
J.Samm
Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines
1 posted 2004-05-04 07:26 AM


wow, good rhyme and rhythm here...the words have been savored
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
2 posted 2004-05-04 07:33 AM


I seldom find anything wrong with your writing,
You do it so well,
With so much emotion too
But the line

And when it rests it rests in seems

seems cumbersome to me,
Perhaps
And when it rests it’s in seems
might flow a touch better
and matches the next line well also.

Enjoyed the read

Gloom

scorpio
Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178
right...there
3 posted 2004-05-04 08:38 AM


Much to ponder in this write, Sy.  Well done.

believe in what your heart feels...

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
4 posted 2004-05-04 08:39 AM




"Slashing sickles tail on high
It cuts a gray into the sky"

What an image!

Your writing is as sharp as ever
Wonderful!

Liz

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2004-05-04 08:48 AM


Wonderful imagery in the morning's read Sy!
Very much enjoyed!
~Morning hugs, Nancy~

~ Lost in you, I found myself. ~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2004-05-04 08:54 AM


Today I live upon the edge
The narrow of a crumbling wedge
An aging soil, an aging foil
That’s squeezed of all its oil and toil.

~*~

Today, my Sy, we are assuredly
on the same wave length...

which always makes me smile.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2004-05-04 09:06 AM


An aging soil, an aging foil
That’s squeezed of all its oil and toil.


...never, Sy

M

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
8 posted 2004-05-04 12:45 PM


you okay?

this is depressing, but beautiful

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

9 posted 2004-05-04 01:18 PM


everythime you write another keeper, you come up with one even better, this one gave me chills.  Excellent write and read...good day to you and yours!
Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
10 posted 2004-05-04 01:19 PM


Seymour, I charge windmills in my dreams. Thanks for this one-it sings to me.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

11 posted 2004-05-04 02:03 PM


Dimmer is the sky above
Mistier the seem of love
Duller is the sound of beat
Sallow is the sweet of treat


================================

me thinks I'm gonna have to send Randy back with some Raspberry tea to charge you up. LOL

Does that ship sail down the muddy Miss-i-sip??? lol

*winkiewinkie*


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