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Open Poetry #32
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gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

0 posted 2004-05-03 08:57 AM



I

would still bring you

from behind the scented blossom air

and I do

despise myself.


With a good man

that curls me around his heart

in every moment eyes meet,


there is no comparison

but I do

and

I

hate

myself
.
.
.
Still finding you

in the silence of all journeys

alone with passing fields

reminders

of summer's breath

never the loneliness,


and I know I'm a fool

when our special something

had rotted a concrete death

long before this

with the blossom fallen


and I could sever your roots

that seem to hold me

in position

but I don't know how
.
.
.

© Copyright 2004 gj - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2004-05-03 09:06 AM


gemjop
I think you just did, enjoyed.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
2 posted 2004-05-03 09:37 AM


and I could sever your roots

that seem to hold me

in position

but I don't know how
.
.
.
good question
the words help it along the way
good to read you again

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
3 posted 2004-05-03 11:50 AM


It's hard, huh?

I wish I knew the answer.

But I love your words and how you bind them together.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

jonmcm
Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 222
England
4 posted 2004-05-03 12:10 PM


Gemjop,

Powerful words on the power of unbalanced love.

Jon

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2004-05-03 12:29 PM


dang! don't I know what you mean??!!!!
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2004-05-03 12:33 PM


"Still finding you

in the silence of all journeys

alone with passing fields

reminders

of summer's breath

never the loneliness"

Excellent write Gemma...much enjoyed the read.
Hugs~


~I love you - those three words have my life in them.~

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
7 posted 2004-05-03 01:26 PM


awesome gem, the only change i'd consider is this line in the second last verse.

with the blossom fallen

it's not the line itself, i just think it works better without, the preceeding lines sent the message through without the need for this metaphor

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

8 posted 2004-05-03 05:19 PM


This is terrific Gem...I agree with Raph's suggestion as well

into my library.

Mxx

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin.

Go Alanis!


Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

9 posted 2004-05-03 06:23 PM


"I

would still bring you

from behind the scented blossom air

and I do

despise myself."


Love this Gem...  


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
10 posted 2004-05-03 07:58 PM


Nice writing...James
Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
11 posted 2004-05-04 01:13 AM


This made me teary...
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
12 posted 2004-05-04 01:57 AM


from behind the scented blossom air

Hi Gemma girl     
It's good to see you!!

Iloved your poem, as always. And that
part up there is awesome!!
Hugs, my friend
Ethel Mae


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