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Open Poetry #32
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Effigy
Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486
disbelief

0 posted 2004-04-27 06:08 PM



I’m lost in a world written long ago.

                    Yesterday’s creations shift to
                    become tomorrow’s inventions
                    in this place where originality
                    has faltered.

© Copyright 2004 wes wiggins - All Rights Reserved
Foxyoasis
Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla
1 posted 2004-04-27 06:15 PM


very good short and sweet but good

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....


Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2004-04-27 06:19 PM


Everything IS, beyond time and space.
But still there is space to be creative, truths may be the same, but we can express it always differently.
This is a thought provoking piece.
Why claim originality ... the Source is One!
Love, Margherita

forne_marin
Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina
3 posted 2004-05-14 10:25 AM


Wes,

I liked this. This is good. I have a question, though. Your "lines" don't begin and end on the same "line". Was this on purpose, or did PipTalk simply not have enough room for the end of the line?

If it wasn't intentional, then make it so. After really sitting down and looking at the piece I really *like* where the current line breaks are, and I'd keep them that way.

Oh, by the way, all my other critiques are now done. Some of them are good, some of them "Memo..." I was a little more harsh on, but all and all I'm glad to say that I'm finally all caught up. I've enjoyed catching up with your work, my friend.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2004-05-14 12:16 PM


good to have you back around
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
5 posted 2004-05-14 12:36 PM


Wes -- I liked the starkness of this one with the statement you made!
JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
6 posted 2004-05-14 12:37 PM


Faltering is progress.  The present is that product of the past, created or discovered, it still is.
Enjoyed this write!
JL

She said: ”You look cute in the dark.”


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