Sonnet for the Last Man: My door is shut...

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Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2004-04-24 08:57 PM

"My door is shut!" the Last Man says, "My time
  Is valuable!  For in the day I toil,
  I dig my ditches and I reap the spoils
Thereof, and when the evening comes, I climb
Back to the light and back into my cave---"
  Therefore he shuts himself, for he affords
  Himself some vain indulgence in his hoard
Of molten idols.  Someday, when his grave
Its jaw unhinges, stretching forth its claws
  To clasp around his viscera and feed
    Upon his flesh, he'll wake him from his trance
And drop his every object at Death's maw:
  "I have created happiness!"  he'll plead
    As Sheol chews him, and the worms advance.

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

1 posted 2004-04-24 09:25 PM

I don't think that is a sonnet, but maybe i am confused with something else.
14lines
12samesyllable
2same, but different then the last 12 lines
I think this is a nice poem.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2004-04-24 09:31 PM

Juju ---

With all due respect, your definition of "sonnet" betrays your lack of knowledge of the format. Fourteen lines, iambic pentameter, rhymed, in two distinct parts---in this case an octave and a sestet, but the English sonnet (which you seem to recognize) uses three quatrains and a couplet.

As for the actual rhyme scheme, I haven't used any identifiable sonnet scheme, but I'm not the first poet in history to use 14 lines & the proportional guidelines without adhering so strictly to the rhyme scheme of say, Petrarch, Spenser, or Shakespeare---

Thanks for the comments. Maybe I should have more properly appended this poem with an explanation---

Brian

http://www.livejournal.com/~new_formalism

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2004-04-24 09:52 PM

Therefore he shuts himself, for he affords
Himself some vain indulgence in his hoard
~*~

Your "hoard" are your sonnets...

write on!

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

4 posted 2004-04-24 10:15 PM

I won't quibble about your adherence to form.
I'm not a sonnetier.
I struggle with ip, not to mention the rest of it.
Oh, and I enjoyed the write.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2004-04-25 05:01 AM

enjoyed

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

6 posted 2004-04-25 12:54 PM

Huh? I don't care, really. I am not really sure my self sense I havn't wrote one in a while. And heh if some one did start something different Haiku's metaphores will only be using nature, We probably wouldn't have cool poetry like cinqains! Music would dull, I meen really look at that stuff before the musicianal geniouses came around. I mean I did not say that to offend you at all it was more of a comment. If I thought you knew nothing about poetry, I would of not commented and never read your stuff again.

Juju

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