Let me enlighten thee of spring

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jennirey
Member

since 2002-01-24

Posts 198
North Richland HillsTx

0 posted 2004-04-24 10:41 AM

I cry to your hearts, you poetic prophets
Hear me sing of morning rain
Let me tell of dew on roses
Let me enlighten thee of spring

It has blossomed in the morning
Bluebonnets strewn across the yard
Yellow Black-eyed Susans sing
Their Morning glories home.

The little plants that I have watered
Peek their heads above the soil
To take a look at the sunshine
That e’er encourages them to grow.

My tomato plants are almost ready
To be buried in the ground
Where they can grow unhurried
With ripe sweet fruits abound

So let me sing to you of sunshine
The warmth I feel upon my arms
Till the summers heat begets us
And rain is few to come

I am enlightened by the magic
And wonders that it brings.
Let us all sing of Sunshine
Let us all sing of spring.

Jennirey 2004

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2004-04-24 11:35 AM

Oh how true...Spring is very magical.
I enjoyed seeing it through your eyes.
Hugs~

To have lived the dream of a love so true...
is to have seen a glimpse of heaven.

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

2 posted 2004-04-24 07:06 PM

I totally agree!

azblond
Senior Member

since 1999-07-01

Posts 637
The Steamy Desert

3 posted 2004-04-24 07:11 PM

Ah...spring fever has struck!

Let my words fall first upon deaf ears before a closed mind...

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

4 posted 2004-04-24 09:23 PM

jennirey - spring, the start of newness...

BC

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2004-04-24 09:26 PM

I'm ever a fan of using the "thou."  Properly, though---

So I'll give you a pointer.  "Thou" is a singular second-person pronoun, and you say "poet-prophets" as if you're addressing a multiple.

Now I like thou so I'd rather reduce the plurals into singular and keep that intimacy.  I would also recommend that you remain consistent instead of going back to "you" in a later line as you do.

Other than that...

I adore your style... I think your skill is going places, and it's headed very much in the right direction.  You're my favourite new member that I don't recall reading since having left here---keep that grasp of the classical, develop it, master it... it will be rewarding in the future---

As for the subject matter, again, it seems like you're a fan of classical poetry, because your approach to the real world has a romantic touch to it.  Being a huge fan of romantic poetry myself I felt very moved by what you had to say here, the subtle commentary you made in admiration of the growing plants, the signifiers of Spring, and the personal tone of the poem suggesting that you have pondered on something and discovered value in it, and your poem, self-conscious, wants to bring it to light.

It's lovely.  I am very sincerely looking forward to something more of yours.

Brian

http://www.livejournal.com/~new_formalism

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

6 posted 2004-04-25 06:17 PM

quite serene

I think the style suits the subject very well

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