navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #32 » Turn Around
Open Poetry #32
Post A Reply Post New Topic Turn Around Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California

0 posted 2004-04-14 10:22 PM


     Turn Around

I wipe the music from my eyes

as he dances around the yard all flower
grazes and yearns
to feel the callus that burns his palm
from the rake around   you know

and sometimes I am jealous of the garrulous garden
the way he holds it and touches the dirt with his big hands
and he listens to the chatter of the new green sprout
yet cuts himself again with the thorns now densely reaching
take me they say
oh  and he does with his tenderness
he bleeds

the music calls  to me with words
that fill the palace and fall out the open window
into the cool-down sun
and sometimes they are so big
and sometimes so quiet
that he needs to stand still long enough
to hear

my love voiced across the lawn
onto the place where he digs for good feeling

I wipe the music from my eyes
turn around now I think to his silhouette against
the melting crayon sky
turn around and see my love
-------------
re write from 11-18-02

© Copyright 2004 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

1 posted 2004-04-14 10:31 PM


Martie,
   Lovely garden!  Words grow beneath your fingertips.
                  Sade

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2004-04-14 10:38 PM


"I wipe the music from my eyes
turn around now I think to his silhouette against
the melting crayon sky
turn around and see my love"

Oooh so beautiful sweet lady!
Hugs~

To have lived the dream of a love so true...
   is to have seen a glimpse of heaven.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2004-04-14 10:39 PM


Martie
You always amaze me with the way you say things.

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
4 posted 2004-04-14 11:07 PM


Ah Martie...softly beautiful. hugs, Chris

   Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
                                          Hans Christian Anderson

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
5 posted 2004-04-14 11:09 PM


So beautiful Marti.
TD

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
6 posted 2004-04-14 11:10 PM


Like Sy, I stand amazed as well.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2004-04-14 11:27 PM


and sometimes I am jealous of the garrulous garden
the way he holds it and touches the dirt with his big hands
and he listens to the chatter of the new green sprout
=========================

one of my sentimental faves of yours...
gotta love a man with a green thumb.

muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
8 posted 2004-04-15 01:14 AM


beautiful images


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2004-04-15 02:37 AM


I"m not even sure what words to say for this...

astounding

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
10 posted 2004-04-15 03:54 AM


I wipe the music from my eyes
turn around now I think to his silhouette against
the melting crayon sky
turn around and see my love
-------------

Martie -- W O W, I loved this poem!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2004-04-15 06:23 AM


I recognized this lovely
from the first two lines...

that tells me
two things...

I know good stuff...
and I never, ever mind
reading you over, and over
again...

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
12 posted 2004-04-15 09:14 AM


Sis~
I would think that this has to be Taylor's favorite poem of yours .... it's close to the top on my list~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

13 posted 2004-04-15 11:22 AM


I wipe the music from my eyes
turn around now I think to his silhouette against
the melting crayon sky
turn around and see my love


Martie, this gave me chills...very good write, but so bittersweet

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
14 posted 2004-04-15 12:15 PM


"I wipe the music from my eyes" ~ I could cry music from mine own eyes with the beauty of thy words...

"and he listens to the chatter of the new green sprout"

~ He listens as do you, dear poetessa

"turn around and see my love" ~

He need not see it with his eyes, he can feel it in his heart...

Beautiful beyond mere mortal words, Dear Martie.


EA

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
15 posted 2004-04-15 02:17 PM


I wouldn't mind a sequel that looks at the love and sees the same things...

You're a modern-day romantic, Martie, and that's what I love about you... your ability to explore, disclose, and come into unity with the ever-present oneness of the phenomenal universe.

You've treated your subject matter beautifully and sincerely... this is a testament to the beauty of your spirit.

Much love,
Brian

http://www.livejournal.com/~new_formalism

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

16 posted 2004-04-15 05:20 PM


This bowled me over...the imagery is just fabulous Martie, I love what you do to me with it.

Mxx

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

Goodknight
Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386
Ohio, USA
17 posted 2004-04-15 07:09 PM


Martie - I have seen this too - he is a very special person in the garden and I have someone close to me who tunes in similarly to how your poem paints - just loved it - give that gardener a hug for me - Paul
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
18 posted 2004-04-16 06:21 PM


Enjoyed...James
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
19 posted 2004-04-20 01:00 AM


Knowing the depth from which this came, is not enough. Second exposure is still not enough. I have no immunity to this poem, and no resistance to the twist of its threads....so I say, as I've said so often before; Martie, you're a marvel.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

20 posted 2004-04-20 01:09 AM


You see shades, and more shades,
and then suggest a couple of new ones.
Marvelous!

forne_marin
Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina
21 posted 2004-04-24 01:25 PM


When dealing with poetry, especially when one reads a LOT of poetry, you start noticing trends. You notice common metaphors. Repeated images.

This is not neccisarily a bad thing, but some images over the centuries have simply become stock images.

"the melting crayon sky"-- this is one of the most ORIGINAL and creative metaphors I've heard in a long time. Brilliant.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
22 posted 2004-04-24 03:07 PM


I wipe the music from my eyes
turn around now I think to his silhouette against
the melting crayon sky
turn around and see my love

Adore those words, breathtaking image Martie

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
23 posted 2004-04-24 09:05 PM


Martie - your heart writes, as always...

BC

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

24 posted 2004-04-24 09:12 PM


"I wipe the music from my eyes
turn around now I think to his silhouette against
the melting crayon sky
turn around and see my love"

Very cool image Martie..."melting crayon sky".  Would be great if the love was as easy to grow as the garden, huh???  

Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
25 posted 2004-04-24 10:29 PM


one of the best I have read on these boards....just beautiful feeling and image

~~**~~
The way you move me
I walk with your shadow
With your silhouette
Leave the light on
It always comes
Back to you
~~**~~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #32 » Turn Around

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary