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Open Poetry #31
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2004-04-06 08:18 AM


The moon barely was able to slide from the sky
As the brilliant sun began slowly rising high;
I slipped from the alley shadows to darkened room
To rest my weary body within the spaces of gloom.
Grimy glass beneath the thick black curtains shuttered
Least the beaming enter and my peace then be shattered
Like the glass in an abandoned dwelling’s window
Piercing the dark’s thin skin as if a demon’s arrow.
Crumpling on to the floor in a shadow hidden
From the day pursuits and demands bidden
Resting quietly there to ease the torment to no avail
For in sleep those residual nightmares prevail.
The day will progress and finally dim its light
Then I’ll return again to wander through the night.

Gloom


© Copyright 2004 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
1 posted 2004-04-06 08:29 AM


This is dark but cleverly done.....The images really leap out at the reader.

eric

Sorry about the triple post but the work is that good!

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2004-04-06 08:29 AM


This is dark but cleverly done.....The images really leap out at the reader.

eric

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
3 posted 2004-04-06 08:29 AM


This is dark but cleverly done.....The images really leap out at the reader.

eric

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
4 posted 2004-04-06 08:33 AM


Thank you, ethome
Pleased you enjoyed,
Don’t worry about the trippple post,
It might be the only response it gets.

Gloom

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
5 posted 2004-04-06 08:55 AM


"This is dark but cleverly done...The images really leap out at the reader." Eric

Sorry, I couldn't help myself! Now you got Eric's reply 4 times! lol

~ but I do agree with his comment! You give a whole new meaning to shadows of darkness! You are a master at creating "gloom", Dear Professor!


EA

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
6 posted 2004-04-06 09:05 AM


Thank you, Earth Angel,
I really don’t create, just report what is around me,
Easy enough to do when dreams won’t let you sleep;
Pleased you enjoyed.

Gloom

Kicking Kim
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!
7 posted 2004-04-06 09:10 AM


WOW, What a wonderful read.
I loved the darkened theme
and you maintained a lowered tone throughout!
I loved your choice of words
and the meaning hidden in the
dark depths of your poem was wonderful!

^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^

I loved this line,
it just slides into the poem beautifully!
"For in sleep those residual nightmares prevail."

Well written

^*~Kimberley~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
8 posted 2004-04-06 09:28 AM


Gloomy One~

This is more than clever.  I loved the rhythm, the message, and the story.  

Very well done!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
9 posted 2004-04-06 10:11 AM


There is something bright within this gloom...
Me thinks a clever mind.
TD

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
10 posted 2004-04-06 10:29 AM


Thank you, Kicking Kim,
I find no problem in maintaining a dark mood,
Rather the difficulty come in trying to keep from going too dark
(had a couple removed here for that)
as for the line of the Nightmares prevailing
When you’ve had a dark and disturbing dream for decades haunting the nights
T’is a constant.
Glad you liked these words.

Thank you, Susan Caldwell,
You praise me with such kindness for so humble of words

Thank you, ThisDaimond,
Not so clever, just observant.

Gloom

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

11 posted 2004-04-06 10:51 AM


  I don't particularly care for gloom, but you do paint it well. So well that even I understand.  That's scary. Give me rather your first two lines:

   "The moon barely was able to slide from the sky
As the brilliant sun began slowly rising high;"

  Now this brought back good thoughts when I plotted
the cycle of the moon and sun for a class.  It intriqued me how they could be viewed in the same sky. "Timely operation" as was the development of your poem.  I really like to watch how you set the mood for your gloom.  Here, it was the word "barely" that first shed a little darkness to me, but yet, you managed to maintain a terrific contrast from these lines to the body of your poem.  
   Yes, Clever, This Diamond, is the word.
                Sadelite

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
12 posted 2004-04-06 10:55 AM


enjoyed
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
13 posted 2004-04-06 12:06 PM


Smiling at Sadie...and at Gloom.

Apparently teamed is the operative word here!
Now, I came back for a second read, because observant is certainly also true...
Facinating...You have a way of painting the reality that opens the reader to the feeling predominating...without drowning them in any negativity.  That's what is so clever :-)
Nice write.
TD

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
14 posted 2004-04-06 12:30 PM


always enjoy you
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