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ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

0 posted 2004-04-05 12:16 PM

Perhaps, or not was giggled
Among the blooms
That scent to catatonic stare
As softness floated all
Then standing in your garden
My gown a thousand petals
Raining summer
Most stunning your creation
Gasped for cleansing breath
Of fall
In fear the burn

Copyright Kkh 4/5/04

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-04-05 12:40 PM

I saw the title and wondered how anyone could describe that--jasmine tease

and then, dear lady you open with this most unforgettable line:

"Perhaps, or not was giggled"

MY GOSH. HOW PERFECT IS THAT?

not perfect enough, because you managed to slow scent describe the entire waft to us:

"Among the blooms
That scent to catatonic stare
As softness floated all
Then standing in your garden
My gown a thousand petals
Raining summer
Most stunning your creation
Gasped for cleansing breath
Of fall
In fear the burn"

Fantastic in form and the virtues of the metaphor are multi.

(I loved this one, can you tell?)

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

2 posted 2004-04-05 02:14 AM

i think serenity covered it!
yes, this is...good stuff

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2004-04-05 08:51 AM

Kathleen~
Soft subtle scent of captivating thoughts~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

4 posted 2004-04-05 11:29 AM

Most stunning your creation ...

that pretty much says it all!

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2004-04-05 11:33 AM

"My gown a thousand petals
Raining summer"

Kathleen..you leave me sitting here smiling at your words.
Beautiful beautiful...much enjoyed.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Before befriending butterflies
you have to meet with midnight moths.~

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

6 posted 2004-04-05 11:46 AM

A striking vision, Kathleen~

So very feminine and quite lovely~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2004-04-05 12:57 PM

*sigh*

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

8 posted 2004-04-05 01:14 PM

I could smell it.

Wonderful.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

9 posted 2004-04-05 01:28 PM

The scent of jasmine is teasing me now.
Well done, dear poet!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

10 posted 2004-04-05 07:30 PM

Enjoyed...James

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

11 posted 2004-04-05 10:20 PM

I, too, was captivated by the title.  Pretty crafty you are to weave this tricky one.
          Sadie

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

12 posted 2004-04-06 05:36 AM

"My gown a thousand petals
raining summer"

Wow..I loved the metaphors in this one.
You really did caprure "Jasmine tease"
The tone was perfect!!

^*-Kimberley-*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

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