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Open Poetry #31

whisper to me

exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

0 posted 2004-03-30 10:58 PM

i hate small talk...but isn't that what the world is made of?
words thrown here and there..
empty,empty..words.
like they were made of ashes from the flames of a broken heart..
dancing in the moonlight
empty,empty..words.
sing to me,
and tell me ~~your~~ i'm not empty..
time flys by like hidden glances between ~~friends~~ lovers..
i just need you to stay with me a little while longer..
and tell me that ~~your~~ i'm here...

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

1 posted 2004-03-31 02:45 AM

I really like how you did this with the satirical crossouts.
This line is exceptional..
"like they were made of ashes from the flames of a broken heart"

Eric

Ain't doin nothin at all
Just answerin the call
Kinda driftin away from it all~~~~~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-03-31 03:19 AM

neat write!

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

3 posted 2004-03-31 07:32 AM

Yes those whispers are healing ...
Beautiful.
Love, Margherita

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

4 posted 2004-04-12 11:58 AM

this was great. almost stream of consciousness and the strikeouts were used to full advantage.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

5 posted 2004-04-14 01:38 AM

yes i agree with maj
great effect exhale
-wolfmon

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