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Open Poetry #31
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jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298


0 posted 2004-03-24 04:19 PM


without you, time’s disloyalty marches on
illuminated by mourning and ending
in shadows of doubtful darkness

between each day’s begin and each night’s end,
drizzles accompany this traipsing
misnomered as life

© Copyright 2004 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2004-03-24 04:21 PM



I've walked that lonely path...
and certain memories
of love
and light...
reminds me I am not alone.


ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2004-03-24 05:43 PM


Sad but inspired blues in words...Nicely expressed

Eric

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2004-03-24 05:54 PM


JellyGal~
Yes ... I know this one comes from deeply inside the heart of a loving mother~

I continue to lift you daily in prayer~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
4 posted 2004-03-24 06:06 PM


jb...you touch me in ways you don't ebven know...and please don't stop it...h
muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
5 posted 2004-03-24 08:21 PM


i hug you tight in my heart and wishes
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
6 posted 2004-03-25 03:59 PM


We can traips together? *S* Doubtful darkness... what a perfect description. *S*

Powerful, poignant write!

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
7 posted 2004-03-25 04:14 PM


Nice write gal....(of course, if I was walking behind you, the only "end in site" would be quite satisfying.....
jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

8 posted 2004-03-25 04:23 PM


thank you all.....sigh......one has to wonder if the end being out of sight is preferable, sometimes, if we knew what was up there, we would refuse to take another step......

wanted to add this...on another board, a poet suggested to read your poetry from end to finish, in order to find flaws, this one, read that way is quite nice, so am posting that version here to see what you think

misnomered as life
drizzles accompany this walk
between each day’s begin and the close
of each night

in shadows of doubtful darkness
starting with mourning's illumination and ending
without you, time’s disloyalty marches on


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
9 posted 2004-03-25 04:54 PM


Still holding you in thought and prayer~

~The breeze that kissed you on the face,
   Has held me in the same embrace ~

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
10 posted 2004-03-25 04:57 PM


lovey...If I read mine from start to finish finding flaws...I might as well delete the whole damn thing?....but I still love your "end" and would love to keep it in site......
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
11 posted 2004-03-26 01:49 AM



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