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Open Poetry #31
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wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2004-03-22 10:21 PM


Charlies’ room was as odd and eclectic as he
At first glance
his cluttered space would look no different
than that of any high school kid

But, if you paid just a little attention,
on his walls,
among the posters of cars and well-filled bikinis
you would see his “portraits” of work boots
and old sneakers
hanging with a couple uncataloged “DeKoonings”

Nestled in the floor sprawl of blue jeans and white socks
you could find “National Geographics”
“Scientific Americans” and the obligatory “Playboy”
as well as a dog-eared copy of Nietzsche

The scattering of change on his dresser
contained coins bearing images of dead presidents
along with the hand-struck profiles of Caesar

On the wonder of jumble, that was his desk
rested the viscera of extinct radios
brass gauges liberated from a Liberty ship
an oscilloscope, amphorae  

And an aquarium
a bright and sparkly bit of life shining from the confusion

This is where we sat
when he told me he was dropping out if school

Though he offered, explanation wasn’t needed
I knew that our harsh high school
was particularly mean to those that were too pale
too soft, too meek and too bright

So, with that, Charlie ran away to college
leaving me to dwell awhile in childhood

When I saw him again, some year and a half later
his room was much as he’d left it
Except for the aquarium

Time had taken up residence within its confines
Green striations had marked Charlies absence
The filter that once bubbled happily in the corner
now coughed and spurted sludge in irregular intervals

Yet, a movement in the gray-green murk
betrayed the presence of a fish still living

And when I inquired
which of the many may have survived

Charlie turned to me and simply said
“The fittest”


"In looking Northward, I see a light"

[This message has been edited by wranx (03-23-2004 10:18 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
1 posted 2004-03-22 10:26 PM


Wranx, I really enjoy your portraits of people; you show such insight!
muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
2 posted 2004-03-22 10:49 PM


oh again you amaze me with how you manage to make your characters feel like ive known them for years...very enjoyable
Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
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Gaia
3 posted 2004-03-22 11:03 PM


What a great story! LOL, I believe Darwin would smile at that ending as much as I did.
Martie
Moderator
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2004-03-22 11:06 PM


Wonderful potrait, human and sensitive!
JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
5 posted 2004-03-22 11:13 PM


Nice...James
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
6 posted 2004-03-23 09:41 AM


...uh-oh, I felt right at home!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2004-03-23 09:48 AM



Do it again.  Please.

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
8 posted 2004-03-23 09:54 AM


Excellent. hugs, Chris

   Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
                                          Hans Christian Anderson

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

9 posted 2004-03-23 12:51 PM


Incredible write.   I could see the room and feel the green gunk in the fish tank as if I was the one who had to clean it! Nice ending!  (It is unforunate that schools aren't more satisfying to all.  I may work on that one!  Perhaps that's one reason I continue to try to develop my skills as a writer.)  There is so much power behind your pen.  
                Sadie

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (03-24-2004 12:19 AM).]

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2004-03-23 12:55 PM


thank you for sharing

I felt like I was there...amazing!

DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

11 posted 2004-03-23 01:35 PM


Printed this off, for my wife

Walls call out

Understand as I have
Am I just plaster
Covered
In memories

Brilliant

Yes bloody good

Dave

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

12 posted 2004-03-23 11:03 PM


Very very good Bro...and like Sunshine said....do it again.. please.

M

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

Kahlil
Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881

13 posted 2004-03-23 11:15 PM


I like your eclectic style and artistic ability to see the thing to write about in the first place and then make it so intriguing right to the end.  
You're a master of the craft.
~K~

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