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Open Poetry #31
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Blush
Member
since 2002-08-31
Posts 56
Ky

0 posted 2004-03-21 08:11 AM


A split rail fence darken from the penetrating of the lingering rain
A train whistles far off in the distant
Fog intensifies the night~

The rippling stream, so rhythmic, enhanced by the
mystic quiteness in the air~

Is interrupted by the roll of thunder
As the storm progresses near the end~

The flickering of lightening illuminates
fields only to display the silhouette
of a farmhouse and barn~

The curtains move ever so slightly
As the beads of water on the tattered screen
dissipate into nowhere~

Scattered branches still rustling
Whisper
As the power of nature remains in command~

And the tranquility of the night returns once again~


( My first attempt at free verse hope you all like it)


© Copyright 2004 Molly Susan Vessels - All Rights Reserved
muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
1 posted 2004-03-21 08:28 AM


i think its very nice
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2004-03-21 08:46 AM


Blush
Well done enjoyed the read.

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
3 posted 2004-03-21 09:32 AM



Blush, it felt like if I was in that storm myself. I love it, you did well on your first free verse indeed. But when the lines are so different in length, they sometimes read easier when they're not centered (my humble opinion) Titia

A split rail fence darken from the penetrating of the lingering rain
A train whistles far off in the distant
Fog intensifies the night~

The rippling stream, so rhythmic, enhanced by the
mystic quiteness in the air~

Is interrupted by the roll of thunder
As the storm progresses near the end~

The flickering of lightening illuminates
fields only to display the silhouette
of a farmhouse and barn~

The curtains move ever so slightly
As the beads of water on the tattered screen
dissipate into nowhere~

Scattered branches still rustling
Whisper
As the power of nature remains in command~

And the tranquility of the night returns once again~




Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
4 posted 2004-03-22 09:41 AM


Hi, Your words are very eloquent. Nice flow, too.
Sandra

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