»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #31
»
Running Out Of Patience
| Open Poetry #31 |
|
Running Out Of Patience |
|
|
icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows 
|
There is a darkness in the human soul; it starts at the edge, where humanity's roles drop into the abyss just beyond the Rod Serling way station in the sand storms and snow drifts on life's unfinished highway. Strolling by the cigarette machine feeling misty about a pack of Luckies, it is perhaps too easy for me to say, "Pay attention!" At least it often feels that way, too many memories, too many shades of details threaded in time, stitched with the rhyme of spider web braids. I'm tired of being a caretaker, cleaning up after infant souls have spit their half chewed thoughts out on the path with no regard for reality or for the karmic trails of other travelers, standing guard because they put no locks on their doors of reason and prefer instead the pre-digested pap that flies by on wings the News heads invent as stylish transient thought fashions of the seasons; madness doesn't come from staring into the face of God, it is instead the awareness of Who is staring back. ©2004 by icebox [This message has been edited by icebox (03-07-2004 02:41 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2004 icebox - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
Excellent! Grover. |
||
|
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
I like it but I would make the comment And the voice says sorry but I'm a bit short sighted is this earth This poem makes you want to reach for an old raincoat, a soaken hat and a Maltese Brass Monkey that someone has stolen and keeps fighting to return, no matter who doesn't want it. It is about keeping life as the Third Man - you're never alone with a Strand It is also bloody well written, incisive, rememerable and I will print it out if you dont mind. Dave |
||
|
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
I like it but I would make the comment And the voice says sorry but I'm a bit short sighted is this earth This poem makes you want to reach for an old raincoat, a soaken hat and a Maltese Brass Monkey that someone has stolen and keeps fighting to return, no matter who doesn't want it. It is about keeping life as the Third Man - you're never alone with a Strand It is also bloody well written, incisive, rememerable and I will print it out if you dont mind. Dave |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"madness doesn't come from staring into the face of God, it is instead the awareness of Who is staring back." Excellent write ice..made me stop in my tracks and think. That's a good thing.  Hugs~ ~ Time has cast a spell on you, |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
icebox Thought-filled, as always and well done!  |
||
muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
i cant come up with a comment that will correctly convey what this poem brought to me... lets just say that even WOW doesnt cover it  |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
...too many excellent thoughts in here...and yes, I agree and agree ( but maybe it is our age) M |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you know this theme is close to home right now for me |
||
|
Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
First, before anything else, I have to say how much I admire the last two lines. Jealousy doesn't describe my feelings about those two lines. Envy's a sin, and I admit to being a sinner. Next, to your word choices. These two lines: "where humanity roles off into the abyss just passed the Rod Serling way station" why do you use 'roles' instead of 'rolls'? Is this double entendre and I'm so dense I don't get it? I'm often dense that way, so I'll accept it if you say so. And then 'passed' instead of 'past'? 'Past' would refer to location, and 'passed' would be a verb, as in humanity just passed the way station, which I can see, but it seems an awkward construction if that's what you meant. Let me know, OK? Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
||
|
icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
Thank you all for reading words ground out of petty frustrations. I can not pin down why I am so impatient lately. I do appreciate the time it takes to read and to comment. Thanks again. Nan ~ try it now. I did mean humanity's roles as in life choices (as in the roles we choose to play the personalities we choose to wear to hide the identity which is deeper). I wrote it badly; this way may be better. When life gets strange enough, these costumes of the soul are stripped away, into the abyss. The choice of past or passed was difficult for me; past is location in time and space, but passed can also imply the same when motion continues as in pass, passing, passed. But, your response is helpful since it made me understand that I needed better word choice in order to trace meaning. Thanks! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
