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Open Poetry #31
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steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058


0 posted 2004-03-04 11:18 PM



when pangs of pain unfurl their tendril tongues
        of still-set harm
when depths of darkened dread defers its
        lace-tied ivy arm
the cold-blown embers soft of nature’s tread
        do surely light
a stillness deepened by desire and strengthened
        by delight

lo, were the realm of longing mine, and I the king
        who ruled by good
‘twould be decreed through all the land that
        evil’s soul be shed
and those who flogged with words their
        fellow citizenry
should be brought low with ashen heart and
        bended knee

and there in deep contrition find a grain
        of vast forgiveness true
with soul’s strength in craving kind, a stain
        of self-less hope to view

© Copyright 2004 Steaven R Snow - All Rights Reserved
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
1 posted 2004-03-04 11:27 PM


Nice flow to this piece.  Strong choice of words...a bit defiant with a clear voice.
Great write.
TD

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2004-03-04 11:33 PM


"and those who flogged with words their
        fellow citizenry
should be brought low with ashen heart and
        bended knee"

I'll vote for that amendment.

IndigoEve
Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time
3 posted 2004-03-05 12:33 PM


Simply said, I'm keeping this.

If I were to touch you, would you bleed a velvet river, running miracles through the sodden ground? --Moi

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

4 posted 2004-03-05 12:40 PM


ThisDiamond, thanks for reading and commenting...as for the defiant tone...this was one where I just let the words take me...had nothing in mind when I started and nothing in mind when I finished...sounds sort of mindless, doesn't it?   oh,
well...

Midnitesun,   good idea

IndigoEve...thank you very kindly...I am honored

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2004-03-05 01:42 PM


Steaven~

'lo, were the realm of longing mine, and I the king
        who ruled by good
‘twould be decreed through all the land that
        evil’s soul be shed
and those who flogged with words their
        fellow citizenry
should be brought low with ashen heart and
        bended knee'


You would have no idea JUST how much this one means to me ... and I thank you~
I'll be sharing it with a friend ... or two~

Strong write of wisdom~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

6 posted 2004-03-05 01:44 PM


beautiful prose, like a soft breeze floating across the ocean at twilight, streaching out her orange glob across the sky, with embracing thoughts to ponder, and own.  Wonderul
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2004-03-05 01:47 PM


Steven...this may have just evolved...
but not without prior pondering...

it's too deeply rooted in
heart thought
to have been only a whim.

Well done, Sir.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
8 posted 2004-03-05 01:48 PM



Well done.

"sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.."
~Dido~

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2004-03-05 02:51 PM


I was pulled in by the choice of the title and am glad I was ... nicely written, this work...

regards
sudhir

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
10 posted 2004-03-05 06:16 PM


Silky...James
steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

11 posted 2004-03-05 11:14 PM


Marge, I am so glad it spoke to you and so very honored that you plan on sharing it…the highest compliment indeed

LeeJ…thou dost wax eloquent in thy praise…and I am humbly grateful

Sunshine, I confess that if the prior notions or thoughts were there, they lay deeper than the Mariana Trench of my conscious mind…but I will gladly take  credit if it makes me look better…need all the help there I can get

Susan…thank you kindly

Sudhir…I, too, let titles of others’ works captivate me…glad you liked it

James…interesting you used the word silky…for that is one of my nicknames…silk (because I am so smooth) …true , but I didn’t give it to myself

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
12 posted 2004-03-08 01:44 AM


and there in deep contrition find a grain
        of vast forgiveness true
with soul’s strength in craving kind, a stain
        of self-less hope to view

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loved this for so many reasons,
if you only knew.

Outstanding work, poet Sir~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
13 posted 2004-03-08 04:31 AM


this is incredible...I'm envious
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