Cough Sweets I lied - pipTalk Forums

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DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

0 posted 2004-03-04 02:40 PM

It cold the night I met you
and you know how we sat
We must have appeared interesting
You dont normally get 2 cats

Holding you shivering
Nice to feel emotion
Pity it was the weather
And us without a notion

Pecking at our lips
Like parrots on seed
Bits hanging
Plastered to salvation
Offering
A religious sight
Of self-sacrifice

But a good supply of cough sweets
Sold the evening
And Day
Snf er dtryi er d
We said
As we went on our way

For as every time I tried
A girl in the chemists smiled
And cough sweets
I lied
And went away
As is my style

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-03-04 04:43 PM

Enjoyed this stanza most especially:

"Pecking at our lips
Like parrots on seed
Bits hanging
Plastered to salvation
Offering
A religious sight
Of self-sacrifice"

I enjoyed it so much that I had to ask about the stanza that followed, especially:

"Snf er dtryi er d"

Hmmm.

Is the incomprehension intended? If so, in the context of the poem, I believe I can relate--there are moments in life where a meeting of minds is fragile and special and can never be duplicated, try as we might. And in retrospect, it can be as though we spoke another language.

A thoughtful write, and I enjoyed.

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2004-03-04 04:55 PM

last page reminded me of my last crush.

.............I kick my self every day.

-Juju-

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

3 posted 2004-03-04 05:42 PM

Nice to feel emotion

You just offered some.
You created a very particular atmosphere .... based on cough sweets. Wow.
Love, Margherita

mytuesdaywishes
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox

4 posted 2004-03-04 08:52 PM

very interesting write....unique for sure, yay:Þ

joy has its own justice. and dreams are languid and lawless. and everything bows to beauty, when it's fierce and when it's flawless...

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

5 posted 2004-03-04 09:56 PM

Amazing how every time I read this poem I see something different....understanding comes on many levels...Well done...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-03-04 09:59 PM

Well done Dave..very unique and interesting.
~Smiles & Hugs~

~ Those who complain the sun has gone out of their world
....have obviously never danced in the rain ~

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

7 posted 2004-03-05 04:39 PM

Serenity

The sniffles were sniffles, but I often write deeper since I just let my real self take over.

It can seem like a code of lovers, a sharing of minds, a giving and taking, a dont give a damn, and living in hell, you find a new plain to seek or may be you are just making noises to two cats who wonder why people would want to sit on a wall in the cold and hug each other.

Juju

I often to write that the world is not exact and we screw up.

In some cases again, our brains take over where other parts of anatomy would desire something else.

We live and we learn I suppose, but in truth, I doubt it.

Margherita

Amazing what you can do with worn out tools, stooping to rebuild something that should only happen in warm climates

Mytuesdaywishes

Thanks

Startime55

Thanks. It is on different levels and I did try to bring in multiple meanings but to leave it as a straight write.

It is about 2 young lovers and it does disclose the differences in people's attitudes and the cats were pseudo-critics and off-putting by rubbing against their legs when they had over things to try and get over.

Enchantress

Thank you

regards

Dave

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