Impressions and Atmosphere

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Blush
Member

since 2002-08-31

Posts 56
Ky

0 posted 2004-02-18 03:48 AM

The half sipped cup of French Vanilla coffee sits
apologizing for half waking the news reporter
The abandoned cigarette is left
smoldering in its tray...
grey smoke curls up,up,up
uncoiling....
much to the chagrin and anxiety of its owner
The piano in the corner sits
remembering its music
Waiting for the musician's caress
while past conversations rin
faintly in the air
like tiny silver bells in the wind...
The empty place becomes so cluttered
with the memory
of faces that no longer come around
How careless people are
to leave their personalities
hanging in the air
like atmosphere~

(((Sorry I haven't posted lately not been doing well health wise hope to start back again soon

Missed you all

Susan~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2004-02-18 03:57 AM

Hi Susan. Good to see you back and doing well.

I love this poem! Great theme and idea...I never would have thought of that!

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2004-02-18 07:12 AM

Susan
Nice to see this post....

The poem has a solid, poetic base, a little paring of words would do it good though, it has that modern feel but contains the descriptive language that I love and miss in most modern poems. (Somewhat like the Poetry of Billy Collins or Dana Gioia)

I think some stanza breaks would help the reader, with breathing and break the rhythm where it should be broke....I am not being critical here, just giving "readers feedback"

I do like the poem, it moves the emotions and the metaphors are believable and placed in the right places.

Good one....keep writing so I may keep enjoying
________ice
><>

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2004-02-18 09:15 AM

Susan~

'The half sipped cup of French Vanilla coffee sits
apologizing for half waking the news reporter'

So creatively original are your thoughts in this piece~
LOVE IT !
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

ctowen
Member Elite

since 2001-10-18

Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT

4 posted 2004-02-18 11:14 AM

There are days when the emptiest places seem the most crowded ....

      enjoyed the read!!!

     and ....

            red of white,
            Fire and Ice
            making right
            looking nice!

                             *S

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

5 posted 2004-02-21 01:07 AM

Wow -- great poem!

Death
Member

since 2001-05-26

Posts 112
Twilight

6 posted 2004-02-21 02:54 AM

Tiny silver bells
are a favorite
Listen closely they might
inspire a melody of hope

"Sooner or later, Death makes a believer out of just about everyone."

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