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Open Poetry #31
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Adonis Cross
Junior Member
since 2003-04-07
Posts 46
Miami, FL, USA

0 posted 2004-02-12 03:20 PM


Ours would be a love so golden,
Gold itself would seem like stones.
Ours would be a romance rolled in
Loving words and tender tones.
You and I would surely share a
Passion never witnessed yet--
Something like a modern era
Romeo and Juliet.

You'd awaken to my kisses
Worshiping your stirring head;
Then we'd show the world what bliss is
Comfortably, from our bed.
Afternoons we'd go out strolling
Lazily along our beach,
Sparkling waves serenely rolling,
Private paradise in each.

Near the night we'd sing while sailing
Out to sea; with every strain,
Harmony and peace prevailing,
Happiness in each refrain.
Resting on Utopia's water,
Lying with your hand in mine,
We would mingle with the otter
Gazing up at flying swine.

[This message has been edited by Adonis Cross (02-13-2004 04:38 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Adonis Cross - All Rights Reserved
Grover
Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada
1 posted 2004-02-12 03:24 PM


Well written! Nice images! Grover.
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
2 posted 2004-02-12 03:47 PM


This poem is so beautifully crafted - the rhymes are ingenious, and the message is consistent throughout.  I couldn't figure out how the title related to the theme of the phrases until that last line - killer!  Shoot - the last word!  That takes a lot of thought.  Like great athletes, great poets make it look easy.  You made this poem flow so well, how could it not be easy?  That's the way it left me feeling.
choshi
Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
3 posted 2004-02-12 03:51 PM


Oh Yes!!! Beautiful, and your rhythms move so lyrically as the waves you speak of...~P
Terrina
Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 166
California
4 posted 2004-02-12 03:55 PM


This is awesome. The flow is great. It tells a story. IT places the reader on that water.
Great

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
5 posted 2004-02-12 04:15 PM



Excellent write here. Enjoyed. Chris

"At one glance
I love you
With a thousand hearts."


— Mihri Hatun, Turkish poet



    

muted
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Member Elite
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
6 posted 2004-02-12 06:21 PM


fantastic!
RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

7 posted 2004-02-12 09:17 PM


Cool....when pigs fly....cool.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
8 posted 2004-02-13 04:26 AM


neat write here...I liked it!
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
9 posted 2004-02-13 07:57 AM


I apologize - I almost never do this, but this poem deserves a second bump.
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