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Open Poetry #31
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BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside

0 posted 2004-02-10 10:35 PM



~*~

It was not my intent to fly away
after spreading my wings
misdirecting the wind
changing the tides we knew by heart.

We were trespassing along the same edge
that was too jagged and sharp
ignoring the danger signs.

Breaking apart in the sand
a casting off in the distance
leaving footprints covered up in the silence.

We lived our lives for sun days
that never were
chasing the sky forever
until it set fire on the sea.

More than a moments warmth
burning incessantly
knowing it would blow over in time
realizing we couldn't claim it for an eternity.

There is so much I can't recall anymore
and I ponder loves existence
as it breaks against the wall.

Except for the truth
that held us back and kept us close
but even then we were drifting
through an emotional blaze.

Burning down to the core
struck by a match with a twist
and a fate that would grant
only this.

~*~

[This message has been edited by BluesSerenade (02-11-2004 12:12 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 BluesSerenade - All Rights Reserved
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
1 posted 2004-02-10 10:41 PM


Excellence...what a perfect metaphor -- wish I'd thought of it, though I doubt I'd have used it as well as you have.

"We lived our lives for sun days
that never were
chasing the sky forever
until it set fire on the sea."

And the atmosphere you set with progressive images like this is just superb.




~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
2 posted 2004-02-10 11:01 PM


I love how you speak truth in all your words....hugsss lady...love the new pic too....

~~**~~
You read before you words I write-
See before you my soul,
spinning on  waves of thought,
painting memories of time

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
3 posted 2004-02-10 11:31 PM


Bluesy, somehow, you are able to create magic from the elements in so many different ways -- a true gift!  Enjoyed! .....jo
Richy
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050

4 posted 2004-02-10 11:33 PM




“There is so much I can't recall anymore
and I ponder loves existence
as it breaks against the wall.

Except for the truth
that held us back and kept us close
but even then we were drifting
through an emotional blaze.

Burning down to the core
stuck by a match with a twist
and a fate that would grant
only this.”


Oh Blusey, this put an ache in my gut,
and a tear in my heart...

I hope, the warm embers glowing
deep inside, never wane...

And that sincerity and tenderness,
always holds you, and keeps you, always...





BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
5 posted 2004-02-11 12:17 PM


I'm just getting used to the idea is all!  

Thank you for reading, Ed, Lauren, iliana, and Richy.
Your caring thoughts mean a great deal to me.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2004-02-11 12:46 PM


Breaking apart in the sand
a casting off in the distance
leaving footprints covered up in the silence.

We lived our lives for sun days
that never were
chasing the sky forever
until it set fire on the sea.

=================================


you already know I love this one...ya know how I love when you write of the ocean..
very well done girlie...metaphor and expression.

The work of language deserves our greatest care ...
for the tongue’s fire may devour the world or may light the way.

S.R.Sanders

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2004-02-11 12:50 PM


Lori

Beautiful from the heart writing with some powerful images.  Hugs!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
8 posted 2004-02-11 01:08 AM


Janet Marie and Martie~
I'm so happy to see you here tonight.
Thanks a bunch for reading me.

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
9 posted 2004-02-11 01:20 AM


It was not my intent to fly away
after spreading my wings
misdirecting the wind
changing the tides we knew by heart.


Lori, you had me from the very beginning of this one.
But then, you know I love all of yours.
Hugs, my friend  
Ethel


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2004-02-11 02:44 AM


you know how deep this struck me, I know you know
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
11 posted 2004-02-11 01:48 PM


You just keep getting better and better... this is superb!
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

12 posted 2004-02-12 09:34 PM


"We lived our lives for sun days
that never were
chasing the sky forever
until it set fire on the sea."

Some very cool lines in this Bluesy, especially like this verse.  Reminded me of some great summers...  


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