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Passions in Poetry

of the lighthouse - scene 4

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Dark Angel
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since 08-04-99
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0 posted 02-08-2004 10:15 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Dark Angel

of the lighthouse     Scene 4


The waves crash brusquely against
the rocky base of the lighthouse
I turn to peer at its shell-like structure
its swelling marine-wood portals
             which  once  held  me  captive

and through the salt-mist
I release the tale of waffled jabberwocky

that never-ending ping-pong game
where baboon and mermaid
once served over the bluntness of
horizons net

neither won straight sets  

then the dawn of sun
met foam and rivulets in sand
my night-long eyes flashed like
thunderclap bent in palm of hand

                            what a thrill-
this creak to life
this footless womb which holds me still
green-leaved and glittering from my knees
bent back and no longer scraping

                          the edge of land


Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

[This message has been edited by Dark Angel (02-09-2004 03:12 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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1 posted 02-08-2004 10:37 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Maree

"and through the salt-mist
I release the tale of waffled jabberwocky"

It is good to have been there, and good to let it go....both together equal profound growth.  

VAS
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since 11-16-2000
Posts 7440
Oregon


2 posted 02-08-2004 11:45 PM       View Profile for VAS   Email VAS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for VAS

fascinating! every time I decide to choose a favorite section, i get all bound up with indecision

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

steavenr
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since 11-17-2003
Posts 4078


3 posted 02-08-2004 11:51 PM       View Profile for steavenr   Email steavenr   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit steavenr's Home Page   View IP for steavenr

enjoyed immensely, but my favorite part was

"then the dawn of sun
met foam and rivulets in sand
my night-long eyes flashed like
thunderclap bent in palm of hand"

excellent use of some great poetic devices in this stanza...well done...what a read!
Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
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Listening to every heart


4 posted 02-09-2004 03:41 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

then the dawn of sun
met foam and rivulets in sand
my night-long eyes flashed like
thunderclap bent in palm of hand

                            what a thrill-
this creak to life
this footless womb which holds me still
green-leaved and glittering from my knees
bent back and no longer scraping

                          the edge of land

~*~

What a thrill, indeed!  
Richy
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since 05-03-2003
Posts 2775


5 posted 02-09-2004 09:16 PM       View Profile for Richy   Email Richy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Richy


“and through the salt-mist
I release the tale of waffled jabberwocky”


That’s it Maree, I want to know where
this lighthouse is...

I could take that baboon’s place alright?

You should see the wicked serve I have,
it is... un returnable!

      


Seriously Maree, I love this lighthouse
series you’re doing...

I can feel the ocean mist,
all the way over here...





Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration


6 posted 02-09-2004 09:25 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

quote:
The waves crash brusquely against
the rocky base of the lighthouse
I turn to peer at its shell-like structure
its swelling marine-wood portals
             which  once  held  me  captive
This is what held me through. Not to say the rest was bad (not by any means), but it didn't hold up to the promise this first, WONDERFUL stanza sets up. Here, we have solidity. This is excellent as poetry or prose. Though the repetition of "its" was noticable, I think it could readily be resolved by simply deleting the second occurence. The subject's already set and I think it would push the image across with less of a hitch (in my mind).

In all, Maree, I think this is very good; if you can adjust the rest to match the promise of the first, it would be excellent. (Though I must say, don't you dare get rid of "neither won straight sets". That's perfect.
iliana
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since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


7 posted 02-09-2004 09:42 PM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

"then the dawn of sun
met foam and rivulets in sand"

You are so talented!
Dark Angel
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since 08-04-99
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8 posted 02-10-2004 04:36 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Yes, you're right Martie

Hi Vas, and Thank you so very much.

Thank you Steaven, I'm so happy to know you enjoyed. Thank you for stopping by.

Hey Sunshinygirl, glad you thought so too Thank you.

Hey Richy, nice to see you...the lighthouse the scenery is actually all in my mind;(you'll find it there heh) this poem is a mixture of fiction and fact. But there is a really nice one not to far from where I live.
I could send you pics if you like. Thanks for your lovely comments

Hi Christopher, yes I realised that the poem wasn't strong all the way through, after changing it several times I gave up (not good)trying. I appreciate your critique and funny you point out the repetition of "its"
becasue I made sure I didn't do that with the "that's" hehe. I bumbed out anyway lol.
"neither won straight sets" is staying right where it is. Again Christopher I thank you for your comments and advice

iliana, what a lovely compliment... thank you.

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

Jamie
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since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


9 posted 02-19-2004 12:25 AM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

You're abilities to construct these stories and yet maintain a brilliant poetic integrity is growing with each chapter dear. Hard to decide on a favourite passage, but you know which it is--lol.


Hugs dear

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

passing shadows
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since 08-26-99
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displaced


10 posted 02-19-2004 02:55 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

incredibly done! wow!
Richy
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since 05-03-2003
Posts 2775


11 posted 02-19-2004 03:04 AM       View Profile for Richy   Email Richy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Richy


Maree, I’ve been reading, “Mind Reading For Dummies” But I still can’t quite see that scenery in your mind...

I think you better send me those pics...  
                  
                    
            
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores


12 posted 02-19-2004 10:32 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

DarkAngel~
This is just wonderful ... I need to go find the others~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

Cpat Hair
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13 posted 02-20-2004 09:27 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

then the dawn of sun
met foam and rivulets in sand
my night-long eyes flashed like
thunderclap bent in palm of hand

                            what a thrill-
this creak to life
this footless womb which holds me still
green-leaved and glittering from my knees
bent back and no longer scraping

                          the edge of land


loved these lines... and as always..am impressed...

very nicely done..
Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


14 posted 02-20-2004 09:32 AM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Astounding write...so very much enjoyed Maree.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

  ~ Whatever our souls are made of,
      his and mine are the same. ~      
            

vandana
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15 posted 02-20-2004 09:36 AM       View Profile for vandana   Email vandana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for vandana

nice
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


16 posted 02-20-2004 04:49 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Jamie, yes dear I know which it is..it's my fav part too m'friend and thank you.

Passing shadows, thanks for the "wow" glad you enjoyed.

Richy, hehe you're so cute. Nor a problem son, I'll 'ave 'em to ya in a jiffy  

Marge, thanks.

Cpat, you're too kind..Thank you  

Nancy, Hi! Thank you so much for your lovely reply and for stopping by. Hugs

Vandana, glad you liked and thank you for the   


Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)
Death
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since 05-26-2001
Posts 115
Twilight


17 posted 02-21-2004 03:01 AM       View Profile for Death   Email Death   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Death

Images every line
or could it be I am simply
drawn to the Lighthouse
either way, nice read

awaiting thy next installmwnt

"Sooner or later, Death makes a believer out of just about everyone."

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


18 posted 02-21-2004 05:44 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

hi Death Thank you for your lovely comment and for stopping by. Not sure though if there'll be another. Time will tell

again thank you

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

aujussy wolf
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since 08-09-2003
Posts 1215
Michigan


19 posted 03-07-2004 11:38 PM       View Profile for aujussy wolf   Email aujussy wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for aujussy wolf

Your choice of words is so refreshing
this poem reminds me of an island not far from me that i visit in the summer , from there you can see 3 different lighthouses , the shores always feel like home.
thanks for the flashback ...post more poems  

James
Tiersdin
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Posts 2476
east coast


20 posted 05-01-2004 08:24 PM       View Profile for Tiersdin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tiersdin

I love the recurring images in this series- especially that of baboon and mermaid in that age old struggle.  

what can I say but excellente?

~Tier
 
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