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Open Poetry #31
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LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296


0 posted 2004-01-29 01:18 PM



Generous scopes of a foreign place
Timeless and physical
Crafting a confident haunting most convincing
Flowing effortlessly, metaphorical themes
With a character of odyssey, like a spring bubbling….

Acres of wildflowers skirting like hordes of children
Clinging to me…whispering, “Its time, its time”
My shape feels dizzy…plump with moments
Like a campfire singing light into the darkness
Becomes my hum in the background
And the sound in my ears

Stealing all the appearances of dolphins
Daylight seeps through the many screeches of old women
Soothing their madness, collecting time with generous hands
Feasting on the aftertaste of flaming villages
Like the shelter of one’s own flesh talking with passion
Holding the Queen of Hearts
Scraping, decisive a being out of dust
Leaning towards jewel mines north
Filling pockets with this limerick, compassionate prose

I spray sea breeze deep into the skin of displacement
Where I am a sea creature
In an expanse greater then I once remembered
Long ago…resting on everything
Promenades the eyelids of a delirious heat
Cheeks flushed pink..like costal dreams
I tuck the baby warm under my arm

And for a while wheels doze…
For a while white picket fences stand straight
Alongside of an underwater room, fingers scooping shells
Tons of them, from little nooks
Which spews the scent of sea spray on the wind
Into life’s surroundings
For a moment…the top of the island’s mountains disappear
Dissolving into the clouds…playing hide and seek
Yet I know, great detail has reached me

© Copyright 2004 Lee J. - All Rights Reserved
Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

1 posted 2004-01-29 04:04 PM


Wow...this is so descriptive and beautiful!

Eric

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
2 posted 2004-01-29 04:18 PM


Lee J....
I am only assuming I understand anything of what you say in this beautiful poem...but I must tell you, even if I did not, your use of our language would be enough to make me read....I vote you best use of language poet in passions. anyway...here is what I got from this poem...

First stanza
The child is born ....a complete and separate creature now beginning an "odyssey"

Second stanza
The child realizes it is a self.."My shape feels dizzy…plump with moments"
It cannot focus its eyes yet but is aware...

"Like a campfire singing light into the darkness
Becomes my hum in the background
And the sound in my ears.

Third Stanza
The child begins to articulate and hears itself making noises, over time the noises start to make sense... are these old women, the mystical midwives that usher all children into the world?

("Daylight seeps through the many screeches of old women)

Fourth Stanza
Is the sea a metaphor for the breaking of waters a woman experiences just before childbirth? Or could this be a further awakening of consciousness of the child? This part reminds me of the birth of Venus, rising up out of the sea.

Fifth Stanza
I am lost here, please rescue me...

I really,  need to know what this means....It is so wonderfully worded that it must have high meaning.....I hope you are not one of those poets who try to be mysterious and never tell your secrets...
I enjoyed this poem very much, thank you for writing it
_______ice
   ><>



Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2004-01-29 04:29 PM




(smiles) Yay! Oh Lee, I too saw this poem similar to how Ford did, sweet friend, perhaps the fifth stanza is the moment after birth when the child at first winces and can't open his or her eyes but finally does and begins scooping up the seashells of blessings into the sand bucket, like a metaphor of beginning the quest of life! (big angel hugs) God Bless You, sweet friend, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lee, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2004-02-01 08:18 PM


My vote gets cast the same as Ice's!  Another terrific world of words written.
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