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Open Poetry #31
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The Circle or the Spiral?
| Open Poetry #31 |
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The Circle or the Spiral? |
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croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
This is my first ever poem, and it took a lot of perfection. ---------------------------------------------------- The Circle or the Spiral?: In subtle tremble, from shrieking despair, Begins a fresher search for cryptic task. Crowds aback of silent burden i bear;- That luminous core hides, and comes shadow's mask. O lingering galling and vastly woe, Thou idlest in grief and fear of self. Truely vain, why afraid of friend and foe? Such reason clusters till clutters in young minds shelf. Unexpectadly, around I go. Shadows left for hope that sings, From such elegant peaceful song, And the whiff of fear that stings, Could undoubtedly not knife me wrong. So gloomy clouds spread afar, high up in the air, And dominate darkness, thats there to despise, Did diminish fair. I wished this life to be lifelong, though subtely faltered and obscurely twisted, Did this beauty of grateful song. I sensed as though one's perpertual fate insisted. Shadows plundered my clean born world, Quivered to form long dark forgotten visions, That wills one, but me, to cause desease incisions! Did I fail to have this nightmare hurled? ---------------------------------------------- Really it is about those racing feelings you get as a teenager, but it is purely about me. Some people get it worse than others, varying from absolute chaos to the most lovely perspective of the world, in the world. The first verse sets a dark tone and carries on until the end of the second one, where subject in the third one suddenly changes about suddenly feeling happy and glorious, so i put a sort of bouncy rythm in it, this goes on through out the poem. I like free verse, its so much more fun than rules. (1)ABAB (2)ABABA (3)ABAB (4)ABAB (5)ABAB (6)ABBA. "Creativity is more inportant than knowledge, because knowledge can be learnt, but creativity cannot." Albert Einstein. [This message has been edited by croyles (01-30-2004 02:35 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 croyles - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ada'doLisdo'ti Member
since 2002-12-10
Posts 123California |
Very well done, I enjoyed it. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
well! I LOVE this! I will have to let my 16 year old daughter read it... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
A fine attempt at a first ever poem. You'll find many who will appreciate this attempt, and you find others who will applaud your free verse. Some would disagree, and say that there "are" a few rules to free verse...but that is all in the learning. We have a critical analysis forum, as well as a poetry workshop that you might be interested in. Enjoy yourself, and if you ever have any questions, do not hesitate to ask! Welcome to Passions! Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Julio~ Welcome to PiP Forums ... I have no 'critique' .. only admiration for the fine job you did on this piece~ It is a pleasure to have you here ... you will find much to enjoy and we will look forward to you sharing more of your work with us~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
A great poem... you're probably in high anxiety mode right now because of just posting your first, but you're certainly gifted. God be with you as you write! |
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croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
I thank all of you! Oh, and what exactly is the Poetry Workshop all about? |
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croyles Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 102 |
Thanks a bunch to all of you! Oh and what exactly is the Poetry Workshop all about? "Creativity is more inportant than knowledge." Albert Einstein. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Croyles, the poetry workshop is where we get together and hone our skills. Our mentor/teacher, Nan, gives us monthly lessons, and we do a bit of study, some research, and work, with suggestions from our class members...and then when we are done with it? We get to REPOST it in Open, or Dark, or wherever...  Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Come back, and join us again, won't you? |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
I'd echoe the words above Welcome and please write and dont mind us Four fears for me were: Someone would actually read my words Someone would think I was actually experiencing something because I wrote about it I would write rubbish I would get so hurt, I wouldn't write again I was right on most of them. The quality here is the best I've ever known and that means tap into it On your poem I would always suggest that you read it as you would expect someone else to hear it and then decide if these are your ideas and what you wish to communicate Take care Dave |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
croyles...I enjoyed the sound of this, and the thought that obviously went in to it. Well done! Welcome to passions! |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Croyles -- welcome to PIP! You put a great deal of work into this. Great first write! |
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