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Open Poetry #31
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2004-01-26 06:08 AM


Casting out with weighed line into the night
Pausing there with stayed mind away from light

Watching those which played without the briefest look,
Catching their movements as they fled from sight.

Without hook once more do they slip away,
Weighed line still dangles in the pool of night.

Gloom


© Copyright 2004 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

1 posted 2004-01-26 06:29 AM


Dear Professor,

   I feel this one, as if the line was cast in distance here.  I can only say that whoever did this probably cared and has weighing line, too.  
        
       Your Passions in Poetry friend,
                Sadelite

McLean
Member
since 2004-01-05
Posts 484
state of marital bliss
2 posted 2004-01-26 06:46 AM


Yep, characteristically gloomy, dear.  Look at that word on the 3rd line: "briefest".

Funny.

I laugh at this word, because it is correct, but doesn't it look goofy?  Yes, your poem was gloomy, but that one particular word, read with my warped sense of the alphabet, made me laugh.

You remind me of Oscar the Grouch, Gloom, and I mean that in a very endearing way.  On the appearance, Oscar seems callous and gloom-loving, but inside, he's the one Sesame Street character I would trust...he's quite compassionate.

Thought for the day!

  McLean

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2004-01-26 07:09 AM


How about the Snows of Reality
Me

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
4 posted 2004-01-26 09:17 AM


"Watching those which played without the briefest look"

That line alone...is enough to make one pause...

love ya Gloomy one!

"sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.."
~Dido~

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
5 posted 2004-02-24 12:46 PM


Good metaphor, Gloom.  BEEEEwell.
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