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Open Poetry #31
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Clouded Eyes
| Open Poetry #31 |
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Clouded Eyes |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla 
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something is glowing in the after light of the devil's eyes. Every pieace of hate and love show's the fire the peutred heat of fire touches my skin as it drips from my finger tips This place to me doesnt seem very sick,like home or a hot summer day things arent that bad as it seems when the angel's play there beautiful music oh so sweet soft like a baby's cry like a mother with in his reach. the screams of the yesterdays coas the broken wings the torn souls the watery eyes that are possible to clone on with the day off with the night fear is up my alley its right here in my sight the clouds clash together the moon shines the crows squall the fog of the night shows the way to the signs of the past The dreams weave around the darkness doesnt make a sound quiet like caressing my skin the wind blows upon my hair and skin dift off to another fear wipe away another tea the dawn has arrive the tears I have cried the day is new. Fresh and unedit version until I fix it  |
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| © Copyright 2004 Julie O'Neill - All Rights Reserved | |||
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exhale Senior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 646Alberta,Canada |
The dreams weave around the darkness.. your writtings are beautiful,don't edit them,sometimes the rough around the edges stuff have the most emotion,thats why i never edit my work  |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
i think you have the makings of a rather interesting piece. but the spelling and grammar take away from that for me. as well as a few too many of the "little" words.. (the, is one that sticks out to me a lot) i hardly ever will give a crit, i don't feel it's ever my place... but if i think that something can be improved and the author has asked... well, there ya go, that's my half a cents worth. i'd like to see it a tighter piece and would love to read it again then. snow "...why does my skeleton pursue me |
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ggrn3 Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 433Nahunta Georgia U.S. |
Besides a typo here and there, this one doesn't need any tweaking. It's fine just the way it is. Nice write. Garfield |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
I understand that I have grammar erros Snow,That is why I stated it wasnt edited yet. Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
If spelling counts,,I'm sunk most times, lol Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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