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Passions in Poetry

In Loving Memory (a trilogy of repost in honor of my brother)

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serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
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0 posted 01-25-2004 05:26 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

Thanks in advance of indulging me in my self-indulgence. Today is the first anniversary of my brother's death and I wanted him to know that he is not forgotten. And yes, I like to believe that the dead can read. Don't you?



*     *     *



The Hand of God


Tim showed up just yesterday
and he was proud he had a pass--
He even called the attendants
and I had to tell them he was fine.
"Yes."
(oh yes)
I would make sure
that he would check in by nine...
"Yes."
(oh yes)
I was assured.
Brother Tim received his meds.
"But--" I heard him hesitate--
"Tim's been quite upset."
It seems his pastor had just died...
I did not bother to correct.
"Yes, I know." I simply said.
"His pastor was my brother."


No condolences were coming--
just make sure Tim got 'home' fine.
"Of course," I thought,
"why would I not?"
Nine was medication time.


I put the phone back on the wall
and told Tim "Have a seat."
Already crying big man tears
he smiled and took the captain's chair.
His voice broke emotion's peace
as he confessed to me:
"I have no other place to grieve."
I nodded and replied, "I know."
I made a pot of coffee then
and gave him the remote control.


I never know when big Tim shows--
how long he plans to hang around.
But after he escaped his keep
from the halfway house last week
I always checked with orderlies--
just to put their minds at ease.
"Let's just humor them" I said.
Tim nodded in conspiracy.


I smiled at Tim and said, "Look here."
I pulled a Bible from the shelf.
A special print of the King James,
the type was large and printed bold.
Then I searched his eyes and asked
as gently as our grief allowed.
"Do you remember this, my friend?"
He sobbed as I said,
"It's yours now..."


This Bible was a special gift
a promise of the heart from Tim.
He'd given this to his dear friend--
a quiet present for Christmas--
noticing my brother squint
when they'd discuss the gospel truth.
He never mentioned the large print--
the gift was wrapped in dignity
the silences of men will speak
so much more than words.


Then Tim keened an anguished howl
and held his forehead in his hand.
"There's no one left who knows The Word--
nobody who can understand..."
He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat
and told me that my brother died
saved by Jesus on the cross--
and said my brother had been kind...
I didn't say a word but smiled
sure now, Tim had lost his mind.



I remembered their debates--
punctuated by their fists
on my brother's kitchen table
red-faced, they were both convinced
the other was an idiot--
oh yeah, they spread The Word.
I know I always left assured
that all New Orleans had just heard--
but passion was their play.



Silently he held the book.
He rifled pages absently.
Then The Word fell passively
from his hands onto my floor
and opened as an augury
to the family page of Death.



In my brother's intense script
was my father's name.
Just below
the loyal son
penned in my own pain:



Keith D. Hood
it was so plain--
we knew we could not argue fact.
Tim and I
met with eyes.
Tim said to me,
"I should get back."



"There's this show I like to watch."
He handed me the Hand of God.
I took from him remote control
he muttered something about a pill
that seemed to give him happy dreams
and how tonight he'd swallow it
instead of tonguing it in cheek.
Then he looked at me and winked--
destination--tv screen--
'home'...
to watch "Smallville."



*     *     *



Just Beyond My Eye



True
I have
felt bone of hand
as I paid for ferry's cross.
It's true
that there
was no change made--
the price I paid became the cost.



I added tears
to River Styx--
I wished for powers of the Christ.
Fervently,
in a pained bliss
I invoked the cross:



"Lazarus!"
I stood command
in posure that my word was so--
"Lazarus."
I said again
"Wake up, it's time to go."



"Lazarus?"
say it's not so...
someone tell me that he breathes?
Lazarus...
my brother--walk!
then I fell down to my knees
disbelief of miracle--
my pleas a faithless blasphemy--
I begged each god
"oh help us please"
commandment written in mere chalk...



I was blinded by my grief.
Lazarus, already freed--
stood there just beyond my eye--
so much more alive than I

I watched him grieve for me.



*     *     *



A Conversation with Keith



You don't know--
you just don't know--
how hard it was to leave..."



My brother emphasized with fist
pounding table-topped despair.



"You'll never know what it is like--"
He closed his eyes as if in sway.



I swept his bangs out of his eyes
and demons danced in memories--



"And you, don't know, my brother-love,
how hard it was to stay..."

*    *     *



The love didn't die, Keith. I miss our earnest conversations (and I think I'm the only one you didn't yell at during discussion, so thank you for that). I miss the phone calls from you during the evening news, asking me, in disbelief, "Are you watching this [expletive]?" I miss your guitar and the way your massive hands could pull gentle music out of the most unlikely of instruments. (You did have some "doozies".*chuckle*) I miss your face. I miss that feeling of protection whenever I was with you.



I miss you.


I don't miss your pain, however, and I'll take comfort in my belief that you're with Dad, and at peace, and finally, finally actualizing the free spirit that you always were in the flesh.


Love you.


(and thanks to any who managed to read all of this)


© Copyright 2004 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
vlraynes
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Somewhere... out there...


1 posted 01-25-2004 05:45 PM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Karen?...

Thank you...for sharing these again, and most of all
for sharing Keith with us... he lives on through you...

Love you so much, Karen...

"When the power of love overcomes the love
of power the world will know peace."
--Jimi Hendrix

Nightshade
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just out of reach


2 posted 01-25-2004 05:45 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

I read it all Karen. Every single heart wrenching word. Bless you for this. Chris
Duncan
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3 posted 01-25-2004 05:52 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

K......Hugs.  
muted
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4 posted 01-25-2004 05:56 PM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

i read every single word...knowing every bit of pain, having lost a brother myself not so long ago.....this is a beautiful way to speak to your brother..through the eyes of all of us...
...im glad he rests peacefully...


~Dawn
Mistletoe Angel
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City of Roses


5 posted 01-25-2004 05:56 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(tears fall down my cheeks) God Bless You, dearest friend, you have obviously poured out all your heart writing this, arranging the photo album in your mind of every close or distant moment, whether it be peaceful or angry, and turned it into the ultimate tribue that I'm sure Keith's reading in spirit! (big angel hugs) Your brother will always love you and deep down despite a few differences will always accept you as his sister, yay, I absolutely love this, I send angel comfort hugs your way to console your loss, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

ThisDiamond
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Michigan, USA


6 posted 01-25-2004 05:57 PM       View Profile for ThisDiamond   Email ThisDiamond   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ThisDiamond's Home Page   View IP for ThisDiamond

Hugs of the soul are always broader, deeper and fuller when shared.
Hugs Karen.
TD
SmartChick
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7 posted 01-25-2004 06:01 PM       View Profile for SmartChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit SmartChick's Home Page   View IP for SmartChick

I read it from beginning to end. It is sad. I had a brother, too. He died when he was 26. I miss him, so much. Thank you for sharing this.
misao
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8 posted 01-25-2004 09:35 PM       View Profile for misao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for misao

Im sure that uncle is reading this and he has a giant smile. These beautiful words can change a persons life who has lost a loved one before.
Enchantress
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Somewhere in time~


9 posted 01-25-2004 09:42 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Karen?

......
I read each and every word..
~Heart hugs~
BluesSerenade
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10 posted 01-25-2004 09:53 PM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

He never mentioned the large print--
the gift was wrapped in dignity
the silences of men will speak
so much more than words

Bless you for sharing your heart in your sorrow,
and all the wisdom that lies within, Serenity~

steavenr
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11 posted 01-25-2004 09:56 PM       View Profile for steavenr   Email steavenr   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit steavenr's Home Page   View IP for steavenr

thank you for sharing these snippets of your life...I was captivated by every word...I found so much much to be revealing and so transparent...loved the following words especially:

"the silences of men will speak
so much more than words"

though there were tons more that spoke  as elegantly from your heart as did these
Nan
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12 posted 01-25-2004 09:57 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Karen - If you can write them all - I can surely read them all... God Bless...
misao
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13 posted 01-26-2004 12:27 AM       View Profile for misao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for misao

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding.

And misao, my lovely girl, that is the best, most healing reply I have ever received.

Thank you so much.

love,

mom

serenity blaze
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14 posted 01-26-2004 12:30 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

and tsk...

you forgot to log out again, sweetie.

(this time my eyes were so filled with tears I didn't notice)

I think we can let it slide though.

1slick_lady
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15 posted 01-26-2004 12:36 AM       View Profile for 1slick_lady   Email 1slick_lady   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit 1slick_lady's Home Page   View IP for 1slick_lady

read each word?...yes...between each tear...i got cha....k...right here...h
Martie
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16 posted 01-26-2004 12:48 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Thank you, Karen for sharing this and for being the beautiful soul that you are.

"And yes, I like to believe that the dead can read. Don't you?"

Yes, they can read...I know this.  Hugs to you lady!
Richy
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17 posted 01-26-2004 01:26 AM       View Profile for Richy   Email Richy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Richy



Serenity, that was one of the most sweetest, saddest, and heartfelt
tributes I have ever read.

Yes not only can our departed loved ones read.
Sometimes I think they help me write too.

Not that any of them would want to take any credit
for anything Ive written...

Serenity, I hope that everyone whos life was
touched by your dear brother, is finding some
way to cope with such a sad loss.

I have five brothers myself.
And I want to thank you for reminding us, how important it
is to make sure our loved ones know, how much they really mean to us.

Blessings to you, and your whole family,

Take Great Care,
Richy
garysgirl
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18 posted 01-26-2004 03:35 AM       View Profile for garysgirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit garysgirl's Home Page   View IP for garysgirl

Karen, I also read every word through my tears.
Love you, my friend.  
nakdthoughts
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Between the Lines


19 posted 01-26-2004 05:01 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

"These beautiful words can change a persons life who has lost a loved one before."


Your daughter's words, say it all.
Wishing for you the "change" that is necessary to continue to make the best of the time we all have on this earth to share with those we love.

hugs
M
Susan Caldwell
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20 posted 01-26-2004 07:45 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell



he hears...

"sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.."
~Dido~

Janet Marie
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21 posted 01-26-2004 12:29 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

KA, you for share your heart so sincerely and with such emotional honesty....its impossible not to be moved by the words.
Your dedication was equally beautiful and touching. I know the emotional cost that this level of expression comes with...I also know the release and healing found as well.
This is such a stunning tribute.
icebox
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in the shadows


22 posted 01-26-2004 01:46 PM       View Profile for icebox   Email icebox   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for icebox

" ...he confessed to me:
"I have no other place to grieve."
I nodded and replied, "I know."  '

*smile*

The dead not only can read, they are once again free to dance.  

May the coming year rest more gently on your shoulders.
Sunshine
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23 posted 01-26-2004 01:54 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

My dear friend, I'm sorry I was indisposed yesterday or you know I would have been right here with you reading through this again, and again, and re-living the good memories...

littlewing
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24 posted 01-26-2004 04:54 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

A Conversation with Keith


*nodding*
 
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