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Open Poetry #31
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muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

0 posted 2004-01-24 07:04 PM




I was told that even
angels couldn't fly
with clipped wings.
But I just had to try.
Was going to prove you wrong
but i was always better at
mistakes than promises.

Falling is easier
when you close your eyes.
Too bad blind doesn't
feel any better than
regret.

You know the world
looks a whole lot
bigger
than i remembered...

and the air feels
colder at the backs
of unsurmountable
mountains.
Yet I'm left to
jumping valleys
hoping to lose my footing
and let all just
swallow me whole.

To be consumed in
something beautiful
for a least one last breath.

Who cares for
broken sunbeams,
they fade anyway.
Something else easily
replaced by watercolours.

Waking is a gentler
way to disappear,
but i wont concede
to be a daydream.

I'm just going to
plunge into something
deeper than numb.

© Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
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since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2004-01-24 07:10 PM


Great imagery and thoughts.
Love, Margherita

Dark Angel
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since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

2 posted 2004-01-24 07:32 PM


I'm just going to
plunge into something
deeper than numb.


I like this... and I think I'll do the same

enjoyed.

Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
(by Virginia Woolf)

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

3 posted 2004-01-24 07:36 PM


muted,
  this was not one bit muted.  Heavy duty!
This seemed to flow so simply without an effort, but it has such incredible depth.  Much enjoyed.
                     ~Sadelite~

Mistletoe Angel
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4 posted 2004-01-24 07:41 PM




(smiles) Hey, there's more to flight than just wings, so believe you can fly and there you know you've gone beyond numb, which is just the second wind comfort again! (big angel hugs) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is true art, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

choshi
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since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
5 posted 2004-01-24 09:33 PM


WOW!!  You've been creatively busy today...another beauty, and when you dive into the abyss, I wonder what will evolve?

Paul

BluesSerenade
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since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
6 posted 2004-01-24 09:58 PM



Waking is a gentler
way to disappear,
but i wont concede
to be a daydream

Love that!!  I'll get back to you on this!
Ooooooooooo, it's just so....so pretty!!!  

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
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In Your Poetic Mind
7 posted 2004-01-24 10:19 PM


To be consumed in
something beautiful
for a least one last breath''


much peace in this....lovely you!

I lie awake at night
I reach out to touch
Feel you by my side
I reach I never feel you
Will I ever get to feel you again
Just one more time

ThisDiamond
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since 2002-02-22
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Michigan, USA
8 posted 2004-01-25 05:59 PM


Wonderful talent...the layers of this were captivating. TD
vandana
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9 posted 2004-01-25 06:01 PM


nice write
SmartChick
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On A Journey To The Unknown
10 posted 2004-01-25 06:05 PM


Wonderful poem.
Midnitesun
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Gaia
11 posted 2004-01-25 06:35 PM


but i was always better at
mistakes than promises.
****************************
uh, this rings a bell of memory

what a real write
enjoyed this very, very much

Martie
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California
12 posted 2004-02-05 07:49 PM


muted

So much honesty and depth in this beautiful poem.

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
13 posted 2004-02-05 09:20 PM


i never got to say "thanks" to everyone for responding with such lovely comments...and "thank you" Martie for finding it on those back pages!


Richy
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050

14 posted 2004-02-06 04:10 AM



Dawn, I just knew that you were a dreamer...

Tell you what?  If you want to wake up,
just holler, and I’ll give ya a pinch

But I just assume stay in here a while longer...

Deal?


Reality... aint all what it’s cracked up to be...
This is my favorite of yours


        

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
15 posted 2004-02-06 04:12 AM


this reminds me of how I used to write when I was younger

great piece...fantastic!

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
16 posted 2004-02-06 04:48 AM


Richy:   im so glad you like this! i thought it was rather pretty and dreamy too..but you know something about reality thats better than dreaming....TOUCH. so i may need that pinch one day soon!

Ms. shadows: thank you for always having something nice to say to me..i like your poetry so much and its wonderful to have you visit my blue boxes. thank you!

ambrish
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since 2003-03-27
Posts 257
India
17 posted 2004-02-06 07:15 AM


was told that even
angels couldn't fly
with clipped wings.
But I just had to try.
        lovely poem.

nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
18 posted 2004-02-06 07:36 AM


hoping to lose my footing
and let all just
swallow me whole.


I know the feeling, Dawn

hugs
M

Bohemianaus
Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 69
Australia (South Gippsland)
19 posted 2004-02-06 07:39 AM


This is a delightful write, thankyou

God bless and keep you, Namaste!
Boh

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
20 posted 2004-02-06 10:54 AM


thanks you guys!

Susan Caldwell
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since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
21 posted 2004-02-06 01:02 PM


"Was going to prove you wrong
but i was always better at
mistakes than promises.

Falling is easier
when you close your eyes.
Too bad blind doesn't
feel any better than
regret"

Those lines where "sucking in my breath" good!

"sit on top of the world and tell me how you feel...'cause what you feel is what I feel for you.."
~Dido~

iliana
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since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
22 posted 2004-02-06 01:05 PM


Muted -- beautiful poem and...good for you!
muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
23 posted 2004-02-06 05:30 PM


i didnt expect so many responses! LOL
thank you so much for reading!

NewEnglandlazurlu
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since 2002-01-04
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A Mountain Paradise
24 posted 2004-02-06 07:31 PM


Hi muted ... I really liked this poem and have read it several times. It really said something to me.

I'm just going to
plunge into something
deeper than numb.


That 'something' is called denial and avoidance. I've been spending a lot of time there lately! Maybe we can hang out together.

Hugs sweetie ... Marti

I take no credit for my poems. Although I write them, I feel
more like I transcribe them. It's just a matter of listening.


muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
25 posted 2004-02-06 10:59 PM


Marti: *giggle* its nice to have a buddy with me...but then that means we are BOTH feeling crappy...and of course, i dont want you to feel bad! we'll just hug each other back to normal!

thank you!

choshi
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since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
26 posted 2004-02-12 06:08 PM


~Dawn,  Thank you for noticing me missing...I have been caught up in uninspiring work stuff...But, I have not seen any poems from you since this very poignant, honest and powerful poem, and wondered how you are doing with all you have been dealing with....   ~Paul


garysgirl
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27 posted 2004-02-12 06:15 PM


I'm just going to
plunge into something
deeper than numb


Hi Dawn, how I missed this beauty the first
time around, I don't know!! You painted a beautiful
picture, lady. And this last part is so cute!!

(Hey, I've been missing you too.)
Hugs  
Ethel

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
28 posted 2004-02-12 06:15 PM


hi there! i havent written anything since writing "Deluge before the Requiem"....i think ive been a bit lazy...but im doing just fine..and life still passes one day at a time..and im glad you are back

muted
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Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving
29 posted 2004-02-12 06:16 PM


HI ethel! you just slipped in there!
thank you for the compliment...and thank you for welcoming back our choshi!

Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
30 posted 2004-02-12 08:26 PM


Hello Dawn

A wonderful piece of writing with fabulous imagery.

Take care........Sue

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
- Shawn Mullins

choshi
Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184
New York
31 posted 2004-02-12 08:39 PM


"....i think ive been a bit lazy...but im doing just fine..and life still passes one day at a time..and im glad you are back

"one day at a time, just that way....glad to know you are doing fine....and thank you for your warm welcome back, its good to be here...    ~P

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