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Passions in Poetry

Someone Else

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pen&paper
Senior Member
since 06-06-2006
Posts 519


0 posted 08-29-2006 04:36 PM       View Profile for pen&paper   Email pen&paper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for pen&paper


There’s someone else inside of me
Who I always seem to show
When it is not the time
To deal out verbal blows

I’m not sure who she is
But she isn’t very nice
This horrid girl inside of me
Seems never to think twice

She says some awful words, you see,
That really shouldn’t be said
And when I go to school , next day,
I hope she stays abed

Perhaps this horrid girl
Will someday mend her ways
Perhaps she’ll let the nice one                                                                                                 Live the rest of my days

I guess this a “wait and see”
Though I hope its not to long
‘Cause of this horrid girl inside of me
Everything goes wrong

Perhaps the other side of me
Will conquer her and triumph
It seems now though that glorious day,
Isn’t nearly near enough


© Copyright 2006 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved
the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 02-26-2006
Posts 590
USA


1 posted 08-30-2006 10:11 PM       View Profile for the_girl_next_door   Email the_girl_next_door   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_girl_next_door

hey.. I really liked the idea of this poem. At some places I feel like you could have added or taken out a word to make more sense and make the rhyming more on time. I had to stop in a couple spots to realize what I was saying. Kind of like at tongue twister. But this was really good.. Keep it up.

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 03-21-2004
Posts 3212
The World of Poetry


2 posted 09-03-2006 07:58 PM       View Profile for *Alli4000*   Email *Alli4000*   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for *Alli4000*

Yep, it seems everyone has sort of a 'mean side' inside of themselves that shows up every so often.  I could really relate to this poem, and think you did an excellent job!

~Alli~
secret_truth_lies
Member
since 11-14-2006
Posts 74


3 posted 12-29-2006 07:59 PM       View Profile for secret_truth_lies   Email secret_truth_lies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for secret_truth_lies

I like how you made this so creative. I wouldn't of thought of doing such thing like this. Good job. Oh and I know exactly what you are going through. I'm actually trying to fight the horrible person inside of me too. I hope you get the nice side out soon. lol. I hope to see more of your work on here. Thanks for sharig with us.
 
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