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Passions in Poetry

long time no see

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cherrys_rule
Member
since 03-18-2006
Posts 446


0 posted 08-28-2006 07:18 PM       View Profile for cherrys_rule   Email cherrys_rule   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for cherrys_rule


When you came down
all I did was jump up and down one the ground.
I remember when we were little
we would tell eachother we love one another.
Well let me tell you something that you need to hear... I love you and I'm not gonna lose you again, That's one of my biggest fears.
When I heard you loved me too,
I knew right from the start that was true.
Everytime I saw you, my heart started to beat faster.
Everytime our date was over, you would kiss me on my lips and always say "baby I'll see ya lata."
You're not a pretty boy, You're a hot sexy, hansome guy.
All the girls want to be by your side.
I just laugh in there faces,
and then tell them they will never win the race.
Me and you are a cute couple,
let me use me and you in a example...
When we were swimming under water we would make out.
When we got above you would always pout.
I'm so happy you came back down from Canada to Florida.
It's been so long, so I gotta say "Long time no see."
Finally we get to be free.
© Copyright 2006 cherrys_rule - All Rights Reserved
mgoodman1989
Member
since 03-05-2006
Posts 93
Iowa, USA


1 posted 09-03-2006 12:39 PM       View Profile for mgoodman1989   Email mgoodman1989   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mgoodman1989

Boosting because I hate to see a poem go un-noticed.

My only suggestion would be to read through the poem slowly before you post it. You did a good job with the words, but your punctuation could use a little help. I would say, use comma's or start new lines to emphasize pauses or breaks in the flow. Also, the occasionally typo. All in all, good write. I'd give it a 8 outta 10.

Much love,
Michelle
*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 03-21-2004
Posts 3212
The World of Poetry


2 posted 09-03-2006 07:58 PM       View Profile for *Alli4000*   Email *Alli4000*   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for *Alli4000*

Hm, interesting write.  First off, let me say how happy I am that you're with this guy who sounds so aweseome.

Now, I have a few suggestions for your poem.  One, is that before you post, you should definately spell-check and proofread it.  I saw some grammatical errors that kind of made the poem a little difficult to understand in places.  Secondly, I just kind of feel like the rhymes in some of the stanza sounded forced a bit, if you know what I mean?

But overall, I enjoyed your poem.  Just keep working and posting here at pip!

~Alli~
cherrys_rule
Member
since 03-18-2006
Posts 446


3 posted 09-14-2006 02:59 PM       View Profile for cherrys_rule   Email cherrys_rule   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherrys_rule

Thanks for commenting. I haven't been on here in awhile. In a couple of days I'll be writing more sad poems and some happy ones aswell. But I'm happy that Robby is finally here. Thank God b/c I was about to shut down over eveything that has been going around here. I really missed him alot. Well thanks again you guys. It really means alot to me.
secret_truth_lies
Member
since 11-14-2006
Posts 74


4 posted 12-25-2006 11:59 AM       View Profile for secret_truth_lies   Email secret_truth_lies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for secret_truth_lies

AWWW!!! I remember that day when he came back. Im glad that your happy. I just have to say Happy Holidays And what A great write.
secret_truth_lies
Member
since 11-14-2006
Posts 74


5 posted 12-29-2006 07:37 PM       View Profile for secret_truth_lies   Email secret_truth_lies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for secret_truth_lies

Oh wait you two broke up didn't you? Sorry. That was about 2 months ago. Sorry Chica. Love lots.
secret_truth_lies
Member
since 11-14-2006
Posts 74


6 posted 01-03-2007 04:02 PM       View Profile for secret_truth_lies   Email secret_truth_lies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for secret_truth_lies

But hey you still talk to him even if He lives up in Canada. I thought you two were a great couple. Man... i wish Me and Kyle were like that.
 
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