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Passions in Poetry

Stick and stones may break my bones but word can kill my soul

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yvetters_24
Member
since 08-27-2006
[First Post] 51
california


0 posted 08-27-2006 04:21 AM       View Profile for yvetters_24   Email yvetters_24   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for yvetters_24


Stick and stones may break my bones but word can kill my soul

Back to the days when I was 8
When alls I heard was hate
Another “mother” who tore my life down
And life it in pieces on the ground
Memories I wouldn’t soon forget
Because u were supposed to be my outlet
The year have come and gone
I can’t lie its still a challenge to carrie on
It’s hard to live with you
Because of all the things u used to say and do
Like telling me you wish u was gone
You supposed to tell me to keep pressing on
After that day
I would just sit and pray
Staring out the window
Wishing I could just go
But never could
Sometimes I wish I would
As the years went on
The pains grew strong
The holes in the wall left hollow
Tells of the future that would soon follow
From my wrist there came bright red drops of blood
Tears soon began to flood
I sit on the floor
Watching the door
Now 16 years old
I stand strong and bold
You never new how much destruction your word caused
it left me with even more flaws
But you see
Sticks and stones may break my bones but your word will never hurt me


© Copyright 2006 yvetters_24 - All Rights Reserved
pen&paper
Senior Member
since 06-06-2006
Posts 519


1 posted 08-27-2006 11:50 AM       View Profile for pen&paper   Email pen&paper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for pen&paper

this was really good but i've got a couple hints.

1) watch your spelling, technically you've got poetic freedom but try using "you" instead of "u".

2) remember to add an "s" on the words that need it
stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


2 posted 08-27-2006 09:08 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Hi yvetters_24,

WElcome to piptalk!~ Awesome first post, ya know? I like this kind of poem, it tells how you are down, feeling weak, at first, and than it kind of builds you up, you find yourself. It's a very encouraging kind of poem, at least to me...

Anyways, like I said welcome, I hope you enjoy the site. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your work, until than, thanks for sharing

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

buttercupbaby
Member
since 05-03-2006
Posts 399
outside in the rain


3 posted 08-28-2006 02:41 PM       View Profile for buttercupbaby   Email buttercupbaby   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for buttercupbaby

welcome to passions!
its very good to have you.
this was a very good post for being your first one, im rather suprised. it was a great poem, but i'd also like to say watch your spelling and the words you use. Sometimes its harder to understand poetry if its written like "stick and stone may break my bones but word can kill my soul" instead of "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can kill my soul"

just a suggestion, but this was a very good write. thanks for joining and sharing!
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


4 posted 08-28-2006 11:46 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

WELCOME TO PIP..... i hope you enjoy it... that was a great poem i really felt you through your words.... i have to agree though maybe proofread it before you post it... but i'm know i rarley do that...:P great first post thanks for sharing...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 03-21-2004
Posts 3212
The World of Poetry


5 posted 09-03-2006 07:58 PM       View Profile for *Alli4000*   Email *Alli4000*   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for *Alli4000*

Welcome to Pip!! I really enjoyed this poem by you, I would also just simply suggest to spell-check and fix grammar errors before posting.  It will make this great poem just that much better and easier to read.

Once again, welcome! I hope to read more from you soon!

~Alli~
patience_iago
Member
since 08-30-2006
Posts 54


6 posted 09-03-2006 08:29 PM       View Profile for patience_iago   Email patience_iago   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for patience_iago

I must agree with everyone else when i say, watch the spelling, it takes away from the whole poem.

"There are some days where i believe i might die of an overdose of satisfaction"
-Dali

surf_painter
Member
since 04-10-2007
Posts 434
Canada


7 posted 04-18-2007 11:11 PM       View Profile for surf_painter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for surf_painter

wow that was a great poem it tells a story that grabs at the heart but as the others have said it would be much easier to read when the speliing is proof read
surf_painter
Member
since 04-10-2007
Posts 434
Canada


8 posted 04-18-2007 11:22 PM       View Profile for surf_painter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for surf_painter

i just wanted to add you to my library you are such a good poet and i forgot to do it in my last post just thought i would say how good this poem was
Pinkilicious543
New Member
since 11-14-2007
Posts 1


9 posted 11-14-2007 09:20 PM       View Profile for Pinkilicious543   Email Pinkilicious543   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Pinkilicious543

I just wanted 2 say dat yo poem was hecka tight

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


10 posted 02-14-2009 09:29 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

nice poem. Trulty i liked it
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