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rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-08-23 05:46 AM

Sometimes I wonder the part of me
Hidden deep in my soul, that I can't see
It takes over, not caring how it ends
Ofttimes I get hurt, as do my friends

It tips over everything that I know, and believe
I don’t know myself, the way I act, but its real
How I’m afterwards all this pain
That I caused, and all my shame

I guess somewhere deep in side
My hate and past wins the fight
Its only when that victor, manages to get out
That I really need to my every movement doubt

I say things I will so regret
I do things, that I wont forget
I remember the look on their face
Of how could I do that, unleash such hate

This other girl, I don’t know her
But she is me, I’m a failure
For not keeping her locked in a cage
From time to time she gets out,to say

Words that I might think
In anger, but that I don’t mean
I really don’t know this different girl
The one who lives in some hellish world

I don’t know her, though I am her and more
She is a faded part of me , who mostly I ignore
When she gets control of myself, theres havoc and wreck
I have to clean up the mess, chaos , all the upset

Sometimes I really wish…
I didn’t have this blemish
But then, without this other part
I’d know deep down in my heart

It would not really be me
Cause without, who would I be.

[This message has been edited by rhia_5779 (08-23-2006 06:34 AM).]

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-08-23 06:33 AM

I love the ending.. it was perfect. The poem was sort of hard to read.. It seemed like you didn't use the right words in some places or went exaclty from one unfinished thought to the next..

All the less. this was good..

post more soon!

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-08-23 10:49 AM

The ending was my favorite part also, it just made so much sense?

I agree with Heather though, in some spots it was hard to read, you kind of jumped around a lot, at least I think you did...

The general idea of the whole poem was marvelous though!~ It kind of reminds me of Mr.Hyde and Dr.Jekyll.

Thanks for sharing this poem; it was an enjoyable read for me

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
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