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Passions in Poetry

The other girl

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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 06-09-2006
Posts 1304
California


0 posted 08-23-2006 05:46 AM       View Profile for rhia_5779   Email rhia_5779   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for rhia_5779

Sometimes I wonder the part of me
Hidden deep in my soul, that I can't see
It takes over, not caring how it ends
Ofttimes I get hurt, as do my friends

It tips over everything that I know, and believe
I donít know myself, the way I act, but its real
How Iím afterwards all this pain
That I caused, and all my shame

I guess somewhere deep in side
My hate and past wins the fight
Its only when that victor, manages to get out
That I really need to my every movement doubt

I say things I will so regret
I do things,  that I wont forget
I remember the look on their face
Of how could I do that, unleash such hate


This other girl, I donít know her
But she is me, Iím a failure
For not keeping her locked in a cage
From time to time she gets out,to say

Words that I might think
In anger, but that I donít mean
I really donít know this different girl
The one who lives in some hellish world

I donít know her, though I am her and more
She is a faded part of me , who mostly I ignore
When she gets control of myself, theres havoc and wreck
I have to clean up the mess, chaos , all the upset

Sometimes I really wishÖ
I didnít have this blemish
But then, without this other part
Iíd know deep down in my heart

It would not really be me
Cause without, who would I be.

[This message has been edited by rhia_5779 (08-23-2006 06:34 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 02-26-2006
Posts 590
USA


1 posted 08-23-2006 06:33 AM       View Profile for the_girl_next_door   Email the_girl_next_door   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_girl_next_door

I love the ending.. it was perfect. The poem was sort of hard to read.. It seemed like you didn't use the right words in some places or went exaclty from one unfinished thought to the next..

All the less. this was good..

post more soon!

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


2 posted 08-23-2006 10:49 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

The ending was my favorite part also, it just made so much sense?

I agree with Heather though, in some spots it was hard to read, you kind of jumped around a lot, at least I think you did...

The general idea of the whole poem was marvelous though!~ It kind of reminds me of Mr.Hyde and Dr.Jekyll.

Thanks for sharing this poem; it was an enjoyable read for me

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
ĖSocrates
                     @-->---

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