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Passions in Poetry

Mirrors

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Tempest
Member
since 04-28-2006
Posts 246
dont eat paint chips!!!!


0 posted 08-20-2006 06:27 PM       View Profile for Tempest   Email Tempest   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Tempest

Your sitting alone
Looking into the mirror
Feeling so drowned
And wishing to disapear

You finaly find the strength to stand
You lean agaist the sink
Staring down at your hands

You look back up
And see your own face
That once happy look
Is twisted and misplaced

The anger grows
As the fist is thrown
You hear the mirror break
And as you see the blood
You slowly start to shake

Then on the inside
You start to scream
Why did this happen to me
This cant be real
Wake me up from this dream

Because when your sitting alone
Looking into the mirror
You just wish
That you could disapear


[This message has been edited by Tempest (08-22-2006 08:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
mgoodman1989
Member
since 03-05-2006
Posts 93
Iowa, USA


1 posted 08-20-2006 07:11 PM       View Profile for mgoodman1989   Email mgoodman1989   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mgoodman1989

Tempest,

I know the feeling, but ... if you disapear, who's awesome poetry am I going to comment on?

Good write... I think just about everyone wants to disapear at some point or another.

Anywho, don't disapear, lol I'll miss you?

Much love,

Michelle
Tempest
Member
since 04-28-2006
Posts 246
dont eat paint chips!!!!


2 posted 08-20-2006 08:37 PM       View Profile for Tempest   Email Tempest   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tempest

I actually wrote this for a friend but thanks for the love...peace   ^_^
stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


3 posted 08-21-2006 05:38 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Hey Tempest,

Now ya did it! 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror

I liked this one, it's different from what I've seen you write before, but I found that I liked it a lot.

The only thing I would mention is that the flow kind of gets lost in the last half of the poem, at least to my thinking. It's like when you start the ending two lines of the forth stanza onward it seems a little stiff, no offence.

"You look up
And see your own face
That once happy look
Is twisted and misplaced"


I loved this stanza though! It's something I can see in my minds eye. Brilliant descriptions of everything in this poem.

Great job and thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

cherrys_rule
Member
since 03-18-2006
Posts 446


4 posted 08-21-2006 06:43 PM       View Profile for cherrys_rule   Email cherrys_rule   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherrys_rule

I loved this poem, You did an awasome job on it. Actually you do an awsome job on all your poems. Thanks for sharing i really enjoy reading this one. I hope to see more in the future.
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


5 posted 08-24-2006 10:43 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

haha i agree with cherrys_rule all your poetry is awesome..... i liked this one it kinda hit hard for me cuz i always wish i could just disappear. good write.
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

in_luv_06
New Member
since 09-30-2006
Posts 9


6 posted 10-02-2006 04:11 PM       View Profile for in_luv_06   Email in_luv_06   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for in_luv_06

omg i totally know how that feel too. i've nvr broken a mirror but i broke my nuckles on a bathroom stall when i was mad bout some stuff n i just wished i could disappear. ur a great poet keep it up....
in_luv_06
New Member
since 09-30-2006
Posts 9


7 posted 10-06-2006 04:36 PM       View Profile for in_luv_06   Email in_luv_06   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for in_luv_06

man..i just luv readin this poem!!!
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


8 posted 02-14-2009 09:25 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

nice poem but i think it could flow a little bit better. but very good
 
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