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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-08-20 06:27 PM

Your sitting alone
Looking into the mirror
Feeling so drowned
And wishing to disapear

You finaly find the strength to stand
You lean agaist the sink
Staring down at your hands

You look back up
And see your own face
That once happy look
Is twisted and misplaced

The anger grows
As the fist is thrown
You hear the mirror break
And as you see the blood
You slowly start to shake

Then on the inside
You start to scream
Why did this happen to me
This cant be real
Wake me up from this dream

Because when your sitting alone
Looking into the mirror
You just wish
That you could disapear

[This message has been edited by Tempest (08-22-2006 08:39 PM).]

mgoodman1989
Member

since 2006-03-05

Posts 93
Iowa, USA

1 posted 2006-08-20 07:11 PM

Tempest,

I know the feeling, but ... if you disapear, who's awesome poetry am I going to comment on?

Good write... I think just about everyone wants to disapear at some point or another.

Anywho, don't disapear, lol I'll miss you?

Much love,

Michelle

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

2 posted 2006-08-20 08:37 PM

I actually wrote this for a friend but thanks for the love...peace ^_^

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-08-21 05:38 PM

Hey Tempest,

Now ya did it! 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror

I liked this one, it's different from what I've seen you write before, but I found that I liked it a lot.

The only thing I would mention is that the flow kind of gets lost in the last half of the poem, at least to my thinking. It's like when you start the ending two lines of the forth stanza onward it seems a little stiff, no offence.

"You look up
And see your own face
That once happy look
Is twisted and misplaced"

I loved this stanza though! It's something I can see in my minds eye. Brilliant descriptions of everything in this poem.

Great job and thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

4 posted 2006-08-21 06:43 PM

I loved this poem, You did an awasome job on it. Actually you do an awsome job on all your poems. Thanks for sharing i really enjoy reading this one. I hope to see more in the future.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2006-08-24 10:43 PM

haha i agree with cherrys_rule all your poetry is awesome..... i liked this one it kinda hit hard for me cuz i always wish i could just disappear. good write.
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

in_luv_06
New Member

since 2006-09-30

Posts 9

6 posted 2006-10-02 04:11 PM

omg i totally know how that feel too. i've nvr broken a mirror but i broke my nuckles on a bathroom stall when i was mad bout some stuff n i just wished i could disappear. ur a great poet keep it up....

in_luv_06
New Member

since 2006-09-30

Posts 9

7 posted 2006-10-06 04:36 PM

man..i just luv readin this poem!!!

nina1522
Member

since 2009-02-14

Posts 189

8 posted 2009-02-14 09:25 PM

nice poem but i think it could flow a little bit better. but very good

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