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Passions in Poetry

Untill Your Life Is Done

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Tempest
Member
since 04-28-2006
Posts 246
dont eat paint chips!!!!


0 posted 08-19-2006 08:44 PM       View Profile for Tempest   Email Tempest   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Tempest


Stand in the shadows
And let others rule your life
You never make a move
You never speak your mind

I cant tell you how to live your life
But I can offer a helping hand
Can you see it in front of you
I will help you stand

I cant make you step out fron the shadows
But i can see your lost and cold
I know you've never had anyone care
So you just get more stoned

But is this the life you want
Do you like what you've become
Never knowing what your worth
Untill your life is done
© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
cherrys_rule
Member
since 03-18-2006
Posts 446


1 posted 08-19-2006 09:47 PM       View Profile for cherrys_rule   Email cherrys_rule   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherrys_rule

I really like this part, the last part:

But is this the life you want
Do you like what you've become
Never knowing what your worth
Untill your life is done

It kindda remind me of my friend that turned to suicide. But he never got to live his life the way he wanted. He was alway7s trapped in himself. So I thank you for sharing and i hope to see more from you in the futrure.


~Two lefts don't make a right, But three do~
Relient K
tapper798
Member
since 07-20-2003
Posts 352
My own world


2 posted 08-20-2006 02:21 PM       View Profile for tapper798   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for tapper798

"But is this the life you want
Do you like what you've become
Never knowing what your worth
Untill your life is done"


My favorite part. I loved your rhyming in this and the point you got a cross. The last stanza was def. my favorite :] keep it up

myspace username-beautiful_tragidy
I just want to find my way back to you...where love is strong and feels brand new.

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


3 posted 08-20-2006 06:41 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

"I cant tell you how to live your life
But I can offer a helping hand
Can you see it in front of you
I will help you stand"


One of my favorite parts^^

For me this poem is really sad to read. I've known people like this, all over the world, it doesn't change. You have one person like this in SF or one person like this in China, it's a non-stop horror to see. Wow... I'm just chattering on, this is not what I meant to talk about. lol

What I meant to say is I felt you did a wonderful job with this poem. I like how you kind on incorporate an "uplifting" side to your poems. You always have such good things to say in them...

Thanks for sharing, I know my comment doesn't make much sense and I'm sorry for that...

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

mgoodman1989
Member
since 03-05-2006
Posts 93
Iowa, USA


4 posted 08-20-2006 07:14 PM       View Profile for mgoodman1989   Email mgoodman1989   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mgoodman1989

Tempest,

I find myself risking being just like everyone else. I LOVE the last stanza. The whole thing was really good, but the last stanza has a strong meaning to me. I guess, I can relate?

Keep writing, I love your poetry.

Much love,

Michelle
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


5 posted 08-23-2006 01:54 AM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

wow i really liked this poem.... beautiful
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

 
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