navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » On And On
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic On And On Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-08-15 10:47 AM



Im lost in thought
Its been too long
Ill just keep singing
This same sad song
It wont help
Im too far gone
Ill just keep living
On and on

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
bekahlekah45
Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533

1 posted 2006-08-15 05:06 PM


well it was good despite its shortness.
i think you should expand it though...like i mean build off of that and make it longer.

just a thought


chelsea_sixx
New Member
since 2006-08-15
Posts 1

2 posted 2006-08-15 05:37 PM


hey bryan its chelsea
i liked your poem it was like a short little thought.  very clever.

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
3 posted 2006-08-16 05:05 AM


that was really good. short but very clear
Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!
4 posted 2006-08-16 09:40 AM


thanks
Fuschia
Junior Member
since 2006-06-19
Posts 35
England
5 posted 2006-08-16 09:41 AM


I like this a lot. It flows very well. You could expand on it though and make it into a longer poem. It is a strong foundation for a poem with a lot of potential.

xxFuschiaxx

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
6 posted 2006-08-16 05:25 PM


it was short but well enjoyed......by me...
thanks for sharing.
Krysti*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

broken_smile1469
Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104

7 posted 2006-08-17 12:49 PM


great poem! i really liked it. i dont think it was too short but thats just me well great job!
stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
8 posted 2006-08-18 12:28 PM


Hey Bryan,

I’m going to have to agree with the shortness thing but I’d also like to add that in keeping this poem short it carries a more powerful punch. For the reader has to take each and every word to a deeper level, has to analyze each one to make sure that he/she doesn’t miss something and in longer poems, I must admit for me, that is harder to do. So, in keeping this short you get a more in-depth mind set from your readers, at least I think you do? I don’t know…

Great job with this one though! I liked its simplicity; it’s length; and the wording of this poem.

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
                     @-->---

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » On And On

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary