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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-08-06 09:35 PM

I fell for you
Because you walked in grace
You were the meaning of beauty
With an angels face

But then your great white wings
Drop me to my knees
And all of a sudden
It gets hard to breathe

Choking at your feet
Your eyes turn red
And I pray to god
I dont wind up dead

I know I fell
For your deep green eyes
But now I can see
Through your disguise

And now those great white wings
Are a deeper grey
As you walk towards me
Where I lay

Take me
For trusting you
Now Im trapt
Because I dont know what to do

You are the angel
Soft and pure
But that evil streak
Has no cure

Bent and broken
I try to breathe
But that tempting smile
Is all I see

You no angel
But you sure fooled me
Because here I am
Shackled to your feet

You choke me
till I turn blue
But I wont give up
Because I wont lose

I hear laughter
From the sweetest voice
I want to leave
But I have no choice

Ive wanted free
For so long
You keep yelling at me
But Im too far gone

I fell for you
Because you walked in grace
You were the meaning of beauty
With an angels face

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-08-07 03:23 AM

very well written.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

2 posted 2006-08-07 09:49 PM

"I fell for you
Because you walked in grace
You were the meaning of beauty
With an angels face"

Great ending. I loved this poem. It was kinda here and there a little bit but nothing dramatic. The end pulled it all together beautifuly.

Hope to hear more soon...

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-08-09 02:01 AM

Hi tempest! ~

Neat poem, it is a very captivating read for me. I loved the usage of good angel/bad angel; it was such a mind boggler! Plus the stanza Heather mentioned was out of this world; by far my favorite in the whole poem. I thought you did an amazing job with this poem! The wording, length, everything about this poem was awesome.

Thanks for sharing, I look forward to reading more

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

I'mAround
New Member

since 2006-08-08

Posts 3
England

4 posted 2006-08-09 11:38 AM

Great poem! I liked the way you finished it with the same verse (Are they called verses in poetry? Sorry, I'm very new to poetry) that you started it with, it felt like you were bringing it full circle, so to speak, and it finished it wonderfully for me.

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

5 posted 2006-08-09 12:29 PM

amazing poem. thats just about all i can say.

absolutely amazing

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2006-08-09 08:52 PM

well written it left me speechless this is an awesome poem i loved it.....beautiful flow...this is great....
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

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