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Teen Poetry #7
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Broken love
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Broken love |
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
Black summer day, And I'm wanting only you. I smoke my mind at night, 'Cuz there's nothing else to do. I find myself alone, When the rain comes pouring down, I hate myself today, And I want to leave this town. I find it hard sometimes, To say goodbye to you. I loved you with every muscle, I wish you loved me to. I feel so cold and lonely, My soul is empty now. My body wants to stop loving you, But my heart does not know how. My thoughts are full of pain, My heart is only black, I focus on the facts, You will never take me back. |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
Very touching piece in a very well put together way. You made the flow fit perfectly to you emotion. The words were like pouring a glass of water. Thats how well it flowed. Good Piece, ~Tempest~ This is the only life you have, so live it to be remembered |
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broken_smile1469 Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104 |
hey i really liked this poem i thought it was great and i can really relate to it too good job! "in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop" |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey pip_man, I hven't seen you post anything in awhile so I just thought I'd holla a welcome back at ya  Nice poem btw!~ It's really sad though, I kind of like how you put the distracted emotions in to this, or at least I thought you did. How you'd be talking about how you missed/loved this person so much and yet you would add in other things to the poem, makes it interesting. "I focus on the facts, You will never take me back." I liked these lines a lot, reason being because "you" are accepting the inevitable. Something I should start doing but all well... Great job with this poem and thanks for sharing! "I pray thee, O God, that I may be beautiful within." –Socrates @-->--- |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
"My body wants to stop loving you, But my heart does not know how." I really enjoyed this poem. These two lines touched me the most out of the whole write. They show the confusion in these kind of situations. I can relate very much. Great job. ~heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
that was really amazing i dont know how to explain it wow......heres my favorite stanza Black summer day, And I'm wanting only you. I smoke my mind at night, 'Cuz there's nothing else to do good write Krysti* A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
"I feel so cold and lonely, My soul is empty now. My body wants to stop loving you, But my heart does not know how. My thoughts are full of pain, My heart is only black, I focus on the facts, You will never take me back." I really like these two parts. It really reminds me of the poem i wrote on my ex. Which now I'm gonna go cry later on b/c I just keep thinking of him, and reading this doesn't make me feel any better. =(. But don't get me wrong this poem was very good and emotional. I hope to see more in the future. ~ If I speak of love and it wishes, as I sqeeze my eyes shut, does your heart also break?~ |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
I loved you with every muscle, I wish you loved me to. I feel so cold and lonely, My soul is empty now. My body wants to stop loving you, But my heart does not know how. I loved this part. Especailly the last 2 lines. Great job with the rhyming, it wasn't forced at all and that's suprisingly hard to do! myspace username-beautiful_tragidy |
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