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Teen Poetry #7
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pen&paper
Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513


0 posted 2006-08-02 12:39 PM



I need you
But I can wait
I need you
To help me escape
I’ve jumped off a cliff
I’ve jumped off a cliff
I’ve jumped off a cliff
Save me!
I don’t want to wait

© Copyright 2006 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved
buttercupbaby
Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400
outside in the rain
1 posted 2006-08-02 01:21 PM


I think this is a good poem, its defiantly not your best. I think the save me's could've been one less, and go with this a make it longer! this could be an even better poem if you make it longer.but nice write, interesting style, its very unique..i like that in poetry

-missy

John O'Driscoll
Junior Member
since 2006-03-13
Posts 43
Sandy, Utah
2 posted 2006-08-02 01:38 PM


Very nice write. short and simple, yet deep. i really liked it. keep it up.


John O.

True happiness is found after you think you have irretrievably lost it

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
3 posted 2006-08-03 12:54 PM


Umm, I liked this also. Yet, I agree with buttercupbaby on that you should run with this! Make it longer, increase on the “story” line of the poem.

Except I also have to agree with John, it’s short simple and deep. Deep is what I’m agreeing on most, makes you think/wonder why “you” are jumping off a cliff…

I don’t know, it’s kind of late here so I might not be making any sense…

Anyway, awesome poem and thanks for sharing

@-->---

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