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Teen Poetry #7
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tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2006-07-29 02:38 PM



Her beauty and her love were vacant through her stare.
The blue of her eyes had paled, leaving very little there.

Her stature held it's own in its sagging lack of concern.
All that was noticed was the fire that dimly burned.

Her self worth and her self esteem had become flat lined,
Nothing ever went right, always the wrong place at the wrong time.

The will power for life and the spirit to continue on,
Were replaced with a coldness, all warmth was now gone.

To many times had the truth been replaced by the lies,
her heart had been broken by it's one too many tries.

She stared at the image in the mirror, disturbed by it's reflection.
Everything she saw reflected back was the world’s misconception.

What could you do when every attempt left you in pain?
How can you hope for a love worth keeping if love never came?

She asked herself this as one by one everyone left her alone,
Instead of light behind her eyes, darkness was all that shone.

She gave up trying, knowing that it was never worth it in the end.
She was tired of crying, there was only so far her heart could bend.

So she'd hold it all in, let the world go on thinking she was ok
Next day, another obstacle to face, another broken heart, another broken day.

myspace username-beautiful_tragidy
I just want to find my way back to you...where love is strong and feels brand new.

© Copyright 2006 Erin - All Rights Reserved
the_girl_next_door
Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591
USA
1 posted 2006-07-29 05:14 PM



"Everything she saw reflected back was the world?s misconception."

"How can you hope for a love worth keeping if love never came?"

"She was tired of crying, there was only so far her heart could bend."


These three lines out of the whole poem were my favorite. They spoke to me and I can relate in so many ways. I, too, feel like this often. This was a wonderful poem. One among your best (you have so many )
So Great job..

I loved it..

The last line was also good. I love the title and how you fit it in at the very end "Broken Day"

Beautifully Done!


~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2006-07-31 02:24 AM


i loved this. it flowed toghether very very well.\\

Her beauty and her love were vacant through her stare.
The blue of her eyes had paled, leaving very little there.

Her stature held it's own in its sagging lack of concern.
All that was noticed was the fire that dimly burned.

Her self worth and her self esteem had become flat lined,
Nothing ever went right, always the wrong place at the wrong time.

The will power for life and the spirit to continue on,
Were replaced with a coldness, all warmth was now gone.

To many times had the truth been replaced by the lies,
her heart had been broken by it's one too many tries.


i loved those lines, briliant, did not seem forced at all.
amazing.

rebel~angel
Member
since 2006-06-20
Posts 71
Iowa USA
3 posted 2006-07-31 10:48 PM


I completely LOVED this!!!  It really pulled me in and made me feel the emotions of the poem.  Amazing!  And I can totally relate.

Remember:Tuck your chin, you're going to get hurt, so expect it and be ready. You might as well see it coming.
-Elizabeth Haydon, Requiem for the Sun

The Shadow in Blue
Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493
EL, Michigan
4 posted 2006-08-01 12:19 PM


I feel like I repeating previous statements, but I liked the first 3 stanza and the last stanza. Very relatable and unique.

I'm taking my own chances to find truth between the lies.
Its kinda like just what it is.

http://www.myspace.com/theshedevil05

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
5 posted 2006-08-01 01:47 PM


I liked the last four stanzas best. It was something I could relate too, something sad, yet kind of hopeful? I'm not sure if that makes any sense...

Overall I loved reading this poem; I loved how every word just kind of flowed off your tongue in such a smooth way. It was a wonderful experience to read this! I think that this is one of the best by you I’ve seen so far.

Thanks a bunch for sharing!

@-->---

pen&paper
Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513

6 posted 2006-08-01 02:07 PM


i LOVED LOVED LOVED this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It flows perfectly.
I can totally relate to this.
GREAT JOB!!!

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