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Teen Poetry #7
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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-07-26 02:37 AM


this was really weird and a fantasy in a bad way. i certainly dont have a desease like this, so its not a personal expeirence.
but i like the pome personally.
*its not to long
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This disease is killing me inside
No longer do I have a place to hide
I can run but there is nowhere I can go
Escape the fact that death is near, I know

It weakens me from my core to my skin
Turning me around back where I’ve been
My day’s flash by, I drift to aimless sleep
Knowing the end is near, I just want to weep

Not nearly enough time, to live a normal life
Beating this illness that has been my main fight
I never grew up a regular girl, going to prom, having fun
Not even out of high school yet already my life is now done

I wish I could scream and say it’s not fair
Cry my heart out, about all my despairs
I no longer have the strength for that little tantrum
Its deep inside of me feel, outside I am just so numb

I close my eyes one last time
And I am ready for my last fight
Not over winning, just for my own way of goodbye
So my loved ones knew I still fought, even as they cry

© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
1 posted 2006-07-27 08:51 PM


wow that was powerful well....it's gud yooh don't have a disease like that but i feel sry for the people that do and can'
t do anything about it....good write
*hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2006-07-28 09:02 AM


Hey Rhia,

I liked this one a lot! I suppose it's because I can relate to this poem in some ways... Yes, I'm glad you are not ill either, but, I also, can't help but feel sad for those that are.

"I wish I could scream and say it’s not fair
Cry my heart out, about all my despairs
I no longer have the strength for that little tantrum
Its deep inside of me feel, outside I am just so numb
"

I liked this part most. The first two lines are amazing! I feel like doing that all the time. It's funny how you can relate so well to the stuff posted here on pip...

The only thing I thought was kind of soso was the flow. The last stanza especially, no offence. I like the stanza, like how it ends, but I feel like it's really stiff in parts. I'm not sure how to explain it other than that... Anyway, that's just my opinion, I'm probably wrong.

Thanks a bunch for sharing

@-->---

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