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Teen Poetry #7
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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-07-24 08:40 PM


this is definetly mot my best in my oppinion. i have written better.
i do like autumn and indian summer though


I look upon the leaves that fall
I hear out loud my echoing calls
Water rushing flowing by, as each path rain feeds
Streambeds soon fill, carrying with nature’s seeds


Autumn is here, with almost nothing to gain
Only here for a while before winters reign
Flowers, trees, grasses, all will live their last life
Before the harsh cold forces them to hide out of sight

The autumns glorious light rays of lasting sun
Bringing light through dark, until winters done
It serves as a beacon, all living’s ray of hope
That they will get through this, sleet and snow

I sit on the ground, warmth, and feel how intense
My hope winter won’t come, my own little pretense
Every year its this single season
I look forward to, I don’t need a reason

Autumn has come, everything is right
Flowers prepare to burrow in soil
Some time of peace before winters fight
Some like spring or summer
But to my season I am always loyal.


© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
oh_my_goshijustgotexcited
Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 52
USA, IDAHO
1 posted 2006-07-26 01:05 AM


i thought the last stanza was a bit mixed up with the rhyming...it was a different scheme than your other stanzas..i think!
-later

Viola

buttercupbaby
Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400
outside in the rain
2 posted 2006-07-28 01:54 PM


ok, why do people always say they don't like their poems???omg, i do that too!!=/ woops!!!lol..i loved this poem, i think it was great. the only thing that varied a little was the way you wrote it. Hmm, there wasn't a rhyme in the first stanza, then there was a rhyme in the last two lines of the second..then there was some of the stanzas that had ryhmes every line..
but i guess we all do that..thats defiantly the only thing i saw. im not good at critique!!im sorry, if i hadn't read you encourage constructive critique, i never would've said that, cause honestly, i don't care how people decide to write their poems, i like them to be unique. I love this, hope you post more soon!!=)
love,
-missy

buttercupbaby
Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400
outside in the rain
3 posted 2006-07-28 01:55 PM


ok, im defiantly stupid, i totally missed the rhyme in the first stanza...lol.woops, told you i was bad at critique...

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
4 posted 2006-07-28 03:42 PM


thats ok
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