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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-07-23 09:37 PM

Remember when we said everthing was okay
Everything was fine
But we knew we would fall apart
Drinking cheap champaine and wine

I wish you could escape with me
I want you to run with me
Dont drive away
Through all that pain
And leave me with a brighter day

It didn't happen
You left without a word
Your eyes were on the pavement
Staying would be absurd

You could only wave goodbye
As you pulled away
Filled with empty hopes
Of meeting someday

This is the only life you have, so live it to be remembered

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-07-23 11:19 PM

"You could only wave goodbye
As you pulled away
Filled with empty hopes
Of meeting someday"

Wow.. the end really pulled the poem in great. I liked this VERY much.. I hope to hear more from you like this in the near future...

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-07-24 08:00 PM

"Remember when we said everthing was okay
Everything was fine
But we knew we would fall apart
Drinking cheap champaine and wine"

Wow! The starting stanza is so amazing to me, it kind of captures the reader into reading more. Draws us in, makes us wonder what will happen next... I loved this!

It's a sad poem though and I agree with Heather on the last stanza kind of wrapping the whole poem together and making it make sense.... It was an amazingly done job by you, one of the best I've seen, I believe.

Thanks a bunch for sharing! I'm sorry I'm so late in replying but I'm glad I didn't miss reading this

@-->---

broken_smile1469
Member

since 2006-07-02

Posts 104

3 posted 2006-07-24 11:03 PM

"You could only wave goodbye
As you pulled away
Filled with empty hopes
Of meeting someday"

this part is also my favorite. i can relate to it very much. i loved this poem great job!

"in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop"

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